The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

the loneliest number? December 19, 2009

Filed under: Black weddings — Happy Nappy Bride @ 2:24 pm
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I’ve heard it for a long time and I’m sure that other Black ladies have heard the same:  Black women have a crappy shot at getting married.  For myriad of reasons:  Black dudes are in jail, they’re gay (“not that there’s anything wrong with that.” –Jerry Seinfeld), or they know they’re in high demand so they don’t want to go and ruin it by getting married.

Here’s a link to an article titled, scarily enough, “Marriage Is For White People“.  It’s from the Washington Post and was written in ’06…here are a couple of quotations that I’d like to chat about:

“In 2001, according to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America had never been married, in contrast to 27.4 percent and 20.7 percent respectively for whites.”

“A woman who takes that step (marriage) is bold and brave,” one young single mother told me. “Women don’t want to marry because they don’t want to lose their freedom.”

First, I hope you go and read the article.  I read some of it to The Mister and he turned into a maninist (what’s the male version of feminist? Mascunist? Maninist? *shrugging*)…all about men’s rights.  It was a little bit funny.  Second, I’ve heard these numbers for a long time in my life and while it’s certainly true (the numbers don’t lie), it’s the wrong way to look at things.

Black women, and women in general, need to get rid of this phrase:  what the man’s “bringing to the table”.  This isn’t high stakes betting!  Shouldn’t it be about having someone with you through thick and thin? When you’re killing it at work and when you’ve just been fired?  Isn’t it about building something together?  And doesn’t that building assume an ebb and flow?  Sometimes you’ll carry more of the load and sometimes it’ll be his turn?

Anyhoo, I’m not marrying The Mister because I need him to buy a house (already have one…and so did he, by the way), or to have kids (I suppose that could be accomplished without becoming a Mrs.)…it’s because I believe we’re better together than apart.  Good or bad, up or down…I’m a better Dawn with The Mister.

Surely we’ll dig into this more later, but what do you guys think about the article?