The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

from the comments January 5, 2010

Filed under: Black weddings — Happy Nappy Bride @ 11:36 am
Tags: , ,

“I also noticed that the right man did not come into my life until I decided that marriage is something that I want.”

That’s a profound statement in my opinion.  The Bible talks about it (life & death are in the power of the tongue), self-help books talk about it (gotta believe it before you achieve it), sports teams talk about it (we set goals at the beginning of the season about what we want to have accomplished by the the end)…whatever it is, it’s deciding on something you want and then going for it.  I’d love it if you went back and read Kesha’s entire comment, I think it’s deep.

For whatever reason (not wanting to look needy, not wanting to lose independence, wanting people to think that you’re a strong “I am woman, hear me roar” woman), lots of women (Black or otherwise) don’t want to acknowledge the desire to be married.  Is it that we think we can’t have the life we want and be in a marriage?

Here’s my story:  I decided three years ago when I moved here that I would stop saying, “I’m fine by myself.  If I get married fine, if I don’t fine…it’ll just be me and God.”  Why’d I stop saying it?  Because it wasn’t true!  Marriage was something I wanted, but since I didn’t have any prospects, I didn’t wanna look dumb yapping about wanting a man when there were none in the picture.  When I applied for my current job, I did what most experts would say is professional suicide…I said that I was unsure about moving to that location because I wanted to get married and I didn’t think my prospects would be all that great there.  Can you believe that?  I look back and think that was pure craziness, but I’d made a decision that I would stop saying I didn’t want marriage…in fact, I would tell everyone that I did want to be married.

I said that and you know what?  My boss had a meeting with The Mister about something and called me in, then “had to run out for a minute, but you two keep talking” and the rest is history!  How would she have known that a relationship was important to me if I hadn’t told her?  I suppose in a way I put my pride on the line and said basically:  there’s something I want that I don’t have and I’ll accept help from all avenues.  To put things in perspective, I was moving from Houston which has a high population of singles who are doing their thing to way up north in the Midwest where that just would not be the case.

Since I’m a church girl, I’ll say that God was waiting for me to admit that I needed help, to acquiesce a little control and then He made it happen.  I wasn’t just waiting for any old dude, but God’s dude for me…and it happened.  Anyhoo, I’d love to hear your story…let’s talk!

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5 Responses to “from the comments”

  1. sister n law Says:

    what a wonderful story…. wow! I can’t believe I learned that via blog….

    • dknytx Says:

      Girl, there’s more…I really feel like it’s a God thing. I quit that job in H-Town really late because I really felt I needed to be up north to be with my dad. I thought it was because if my grandma died (she’s got alzheimers), but it turns out it was because he was going to pass away soon thereafter. I met The Mister a month before my dad died and he volunteered to come home with me to the funeral. It’s all tied in together…God’s work!

  2. I couldn’t agree more with your post Dawn, in addition I also believe that whilst admitting you want to get married, God will also bring someone, when you are content with your own life and not ‘always on the lookout’, if you know what I mean. The whole kind of ‘love finds you’, rather than ‘you find it’. That’s what happened to me.

  3. […] talk to anyone about it.  Then I remember fighting those thoughts off by openly admitting that I did want to be married.  Lo and behold, a got introduced to The Mister and the rest is history…the man who God […]


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