The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

john lennon February 3, 2010

Filed under: Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 10:25 am
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Imagine if we were marriage obsessed the way we all are obsessing about our weddings. It really would be amazing wouldn’t it?  Co-workers would ask us how are marriages are going, our moms would brag to their friends about how strong our marriages are…the focus would be on life rather than just one day.

Imagine if we planned our marriages the way we’re planning our weddings. What kind of lives do we want to create for our families and how will we go about doing it?  What kind of wives do we want to be?  I think constantly about how I want the wedding to feel (comfortable, welcoming, familial, loving)…I need to think about how I want The Mister and I’s marriage to feel.  What kind of home will we create together?  I want to focus on my life as a wife.  I know that I will be a more “traditional” wife (I love to cook…if The Mister comes into the kitchen, he’s taking his life in his hands.  Unless he’s doing dishes…then come on in!), and that leads me to the next thing.

Imagine if it were okay to be non-traditional. What if people didn’t look at you crossed eyed because you’re the bread winner and the hubby’s at home with the kids?  Or what if it wasn’t a big deal that you want to get married to someone who’s the same sex as you?  Or what if people actually believed you when you said that you don’t want to get married, but would rather live together?

Imagine if it were okay to voice our concerns about remaining independent. I’d been me for many years before The Mister and I’ll admit that I struggle with how to stay me in a marriage construct.  I know that I can’t live as I’ve lived when I was single.  There was no compromise required when I was by myself.  There was no putting someone else first.  I know that things will have to change…and that’s exciting and scary all wrapped up together.

Imagine if married folks were honest about what marriage means. Maybe so many marriages wouldn’t end in divorce.  What if they said that it’s hard work, but worth it?  What if they said that they don’t stay because it always feels good, but because they said they would?  What if they said that sometimes marriage is awesome and sometimes it’s not…and that’s both okay and normal?  Maybe us soon-to-be’s would have a more realistic image in our heads.

Sometimes I imagine.

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4 Responses to “john lennon”

  1. Ghenet Says:

    Nice post! I like imagining what it will be like when my fiance and I are married. We’re planning for that as much (if not more) than we are planning for the wedding day.

  2. How much can you control what kind of wife you are going to be? Doesn’t your personality dictate that? I can’t be a sweet, doting wife because that’s not my personlity. I can try to be more understanding and generous and act on those impulses, but that’s it, no? I can’t change the way I think and react.

    Interesting post.

    • dknytx Says:

      Maybe my personality says that I am in control of my emotions and not the other way around? Why can’t you be your version of a sweet, doting wife? You love your man and he enhances your life and you enhance his, right? But I would disagree that you can’t control the way you react. I think that it may be difficult to control the way you think, but the reaction to that thought it totally within your control.


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