The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

finding a good man February 21, 2010

Filed under: Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 7:22 pm
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I read this interesting post over on Black & Married With Kids.  It’s talking about Black women, but I think this applies to all women.

My issue is that so many black women focus on the current and what’s on the surface. We always hear women say “I need a man with good credit”, “I need a man with a good job”. What about “I need a man with good character”? He can buy you the sun and moon but if he’s cheating and beating on you, all the degrees and money in the world aren’t going to compensate. Think about this: Michelle was the breadwinner of the Obama family for the first ten years of their marriage. Personally, if I have to be, I don’t mind being the breadwinner. It’s all going to the same household anyway. I once read a quote by Mrs. O in which she was asked for dating advice for women. She said, “Pay closer attention to what’s in his heart than what’s in his wallet.”

The post talks about lots of stuff, but I really liked this quotation.  Would you be willing to be the breadwinner of your home?  What if your hubby wants to be a stay-at-home dad?  More importantly, have you and your hubby-to-be talked about how finances will be handled?  Joint accounts? A combination of individual and joint accounts?  For those that are already married, how hard was merging both of your financial situations?

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6 Responses to “finding a good man”

  1. He was the breadwinner for the first six years. Now, with the recession, I am. It was unnerving at first, but we both are learning that our individual money is OUR money.

  2. My husband and I dump everything in one account. I usually give him cash for his lunch and little stuff like that and everything else is in the account for bills and savings. I use to try to keep our money seperate but he wasn’t having it. Now that I’m freelancing exclusivly and don’t have a steady income, I don’t mind, lol. He brings home the paycheck, I sort it out and that’s what’s been working for us. We started this prior to marriage – probably for atleast a year leading up to the wedding

    • dknytx Says:

      That wasn’t hard for you guys…getting used to having to account to someone else about money?

      • We’re still learning, sometimes he spends a little here and there, or I might do the same and we forget to tell each other or don’t think it’s a big deal – but that’s where online banking has been amazing,lol.

        I always had it in my head that I would keep our money seperate, but my husband grew up in a house where his mom didn’t work. His father was sole provider, handed his check to his mom and she then took care of everything. My household was completly different – so we knocked heads on the issue for a while, but we’re getting better at it. Communication is key.

      • dknytx Says:

        Okay…maybe that’s why I’m struggling. My parents kept everything pretty separate, but I’d rather do it how your hubby was raised…I just know it’ll take some doing to wrap my brain around it.


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