The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

marriage (not just the wedding) March 7, 2010

Filed under: Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:55 pm
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What?  So I’m a dork because I subscribe to Psychology Today?

A pretty big part of my job is relating to people and getting those people to work together well…so I love this magazine.  There are always articles about relationships and useful everyday things…and nerdy stuff that’s pretty interesting as well.

There is an article that I knew immediately that I’d post about.  While I’m super excited about The Mister and I’s wedding, I also know that it’s just one day and that there’ll be an entire married life together that starts on May 29th.   The article’s about marriage and the title is “The Expectations Trap.”  I’d intended to highlight a couple cool quotations and put them up…until I realized that I’d highlighted half of the article!  It’s great, go get it…it’s the April 2010 edition.

Here’s a teaser:

“People work themselves up over the ordinary problems of marriage, for which they usually fail to see their own contributions.  They badger their partners to change, convince themselves nothing will budge, and work their way out of really good relationships.”

“We believe in our inalienable right to the intimate relationships of our choice.  In allowing such free-market values to seep into our private lives, we come to believe that a partner’s job is, above all, to provide pleasure.  People do not go into relationships because they want to learn how to negotiate and master difficulties.”

“We are focused on the partner we want to have, not on the one we want–or need–to be.  That may be the worst choice of all.”

“Commitment is the ability to sustain an investment, to honor values over momentary feelings.”

“You and your partner help each other become a more perfect person–perfect, that is, according to your own inner ideals.”

Good stuff, right?  The whole time I was reading the article, I was like, I need to keep this so that I keep going back over everything.  There were a few real life stories about people winding up divorced over nothing really (though it seemed big at the time) and couples that withstood the test.  Even a story about difficulties that Barack and Michelle Obama experienced while he was a senator.

I often have to remind myself that when I was single, I was always right…and that it’s impossible to always be right within a relationship.   Though I do think I’m right most of the time, lol!  But I’m working on it!  Are you working on being the kind of partner that you’d want to have…or more specifically, who he needs you to be?


shopping with mom

Filed under: Details — Happy Nappy Bride @ 3:47 pm
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That, my friends and neighbors, is a picture of the clock in my living room.  Please note the time…it’s a.m. folks…on Sunday!  My mom came to visit this weekend and that’s the time we had to get up in order to get her to the airport on time. Ugh.

It was a good visit though.  We got to do a lot of the mom and daughter stuff that we don’t get to do since I live in another state.  I showed her my mountain of wedding magazines (she gasped), my shoes for the ceremony (she loved them), and my dresses for rehearsal/other weddings/honeymoon (she approved).  After that, we met with the ladies who’ll be my day-of coordinators, that went well.  Then it was off to shopping.  Since there’s absolutely nothing around here, we took the trip into Chicago.  And. We. Went. Everywhere.  I should let you know that I’m not a big shopper.  Maybe I should say that I’m not a big in-store shopper.  I feel like this is one of the reasons God created computers…why go to the store when I can buy all of my stuff while I’m making dinner and doing laundry?

Not moms though!  We went here, we went there, we went everywhere (Dr. Suess anyone?).  But it was good bonding time.  We were looking for mother of the bride outfits and were singularly unsuccessful.  She did find a superfly dress at Cache that won’t work for our wedding just because of the color, but the fit was slammin’ so I’m hoping that she finds another one that’s like it in a better color.

Speaking of Cache.  There was an older lady who was trying on a sassy dress there that was close to being age inappropriate.  Then I heard her say (I was totally eavesdropping) that she was getting the dress for her daughters wedding, then I about passed out.  In the front, the dress was cut down to her belly button…and the back was all out.  At that point I’m sure I was staring at her in disbelief.  Here are pics of the dress:

Now it’s not that I don’t like the dress…it’s cute.  But stop and think about your mom wearing this to your wedding…yeah, that’s what I thought.  I just showed this to The Mister and he was like, that’s a great dress.  Then I asked him if he’d want his mom wearing it to our wedding.  This was him: well…uh…huh, huh…  Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Have you and your mom talked about what she’s wearing to your wedding?  How will the colors be in relation to your wedding colors?  Are the moms (his and yours) matching?