A pretty big part of my job is relating to people and getting those people to work together well…so I love this magazine. There are always articles about relationships and useful everyday things…and nerdy stuff that’s pretty interesting as well.
There is an article that I knew immediately that I’d post about. While I’m super excited about The Mister and I’s wedding, I also know that it’s just one day and that there’ll be an entire married life together that starts on May 29th. The article’s about marriage and the title is “The Expectations Trap.” I’d intended to highlight a couple cool quotations and put them up…until I realized that I’d highlighted half of the article! It’s great, go get it…it’s the April 2010 edition.
Here’s a teaser:
“People work themselves up over the ordinary problems of marriage, for which they usually fail to see their own contributions. They badger their partners to change, convince themselves nothing will budge, and work their way out of really good relationships.”
“We believe in our inalienable right to the intimate relationships of our choice. In allowing such free-market values to seep into our private lives, we come to believe that a partner’s job is, above all, to provide pleasure. People do not go into relationships because they want to learn how to negotiate and master difficulties.”
“We are focused on the partner we want to have, not on the one we want–or need–to be. That may be the worst choice of all.”
“Commitment is the ability to sustain an investment, to honor values over momentary feelings.”
“You and your partner help each other become a more perfect person–perfect, that is, according to your own inner ideals.”
Good stuff, right? The whole time I was reading the article, I was like, I need to keep this so that I keep going back over everything. There were a few real life stories about people winding up divorced over nothing really (though it seemed big at the time) and couples that withstood the test. Even a story about difficulties that Barack and Michelle Obama experienced while he was a senator.
I often have to remind myself that when I was single, I was always right…and that it’s impossible to always be right within a relationship. Though I do think I’m right most of the time, lol! But I’m working on it! Are you working on being the kind of partner that you’d want to have…or more specifically, who he needs you to be?