The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

gottas vs. wannas March 13, 2010

Filed under: Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 4:58 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

So these are coupons that I keep with me all the time just in case I go to a store and they’ve got the same thing on sale…then I can double up on the savings!  Yeah, I’m cheap.  Which is why all of this wedding spending is a bit disconcerting.

I’ve been pretty proud of how good I’ve been with our money that’s going to the wedding…but then I think about the fact that “good” is going to end up around $10k.  For one day.  That’s mind boggling.  I know that I’ve gotten good deals and worked that budget of ours, but still…it’s one day.  Sometimes I get a little too high on my horse and start thinking about how silly it would be to spend $30, $40, or $50 thousand dollars on a wedding…then I think about my “budget” wedding that’s gonna be around ten.  Not exactly a drop in the bucket.

And that’s the unifying thing of all brides.  Whether you can’t get enough of talking about tulle and ribbons and out of town bags or you want to get married in a park under a tree…we still believe in the power of the ceremony, the power of having our family and friends surround us and support us.  Because in all honesty we just need a groom, an officiant, and a marriage licence and we can be on our way for about a hundred bucks.  That’s the gotta have.

The wanna haves are different.  You wanna have a nice dress…you don’t have to have a slammin’, expensive dress.  You wanna have your friends and family there.  You wanna have everyone in your family act right for just one day…please, lol!

Then there are wanna haves that are different for each bride.  You wanna have bridesmaids, a photographer.  You wanna have good food and drink and a dj that’ll have everyone sweating at the end of the night.  Or maybe you wanna have cake or to get your makeup done professionally.  You wanna have a weekend festival of activities or a big rehearsal dinner.  Perhaps you wanna have aisle runners and uplighting and floor decals.  Some of you may wanna get married in a beautiful park or a gorgeous cathedral.

So we’re all in the same boat…all of us are planning the largest event that we’ve ever been in charge of and fighting “the others”, like on Lost.  “The Others” are those folks who just know how our weddings should be.  We should be stressed right now.  We should get our hair done a certain way, wear a certain dress.  We should decorate our ceremony venue like this and the bridesmaids should definitely do that.  “The Others” tell us with conviction that we should wear certain shoes, earrings, necklaces and look at us crazy when we tell them the one thing that really makes us happy about our wedding plans.  “The Others” have one more thing in common.  I don’t care whether you’re spending a grip or just a bit, “The Others” have big advice to give…but no loot.  All that talking but they aren’t trying to come up offa that money to put their “shoulds” into action!

So ladies let’s stand firm with our wannas and don’t let people make you feel badly about them!  What are your wannas?  Have folks questioned your decisions?  Have you wavered because of that questioning?

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6 Responses to “gottas vs. wannas”

  1. Frugalista Says:

    I am lucky no to have any “others” in my life in regards to wedding planning. There just aren’t any. Everyone just asks me how it’s going and I tell them. The only person 2nd guessing anything is me. Just because its true that if it was really just about saying “I do” all of this would only be $100 bucks but instead it’s 10k bucks. You are right though. Our wanna haves are our own and so what right? Its what we want to do and its our money so we spend it the way we want.

  2. ooooooooh I love this. I am so calling them the others from now on.

  3. Cord Says:

    I have accumulated about 10 “others” this week ALONE!
    It’s so frustrating but the blessing about phones and emails are that we choose whose calls to answer and whose email to respond to. Other than that, I try to hide out from the “others” until after the big day. I try to limit my conversation with my mom as well. Mean but necessary. My 20-some-odd-thousand dollar wedding is kicking my butt, I cut out a bunch of wanna haves and I’m still in the mid twenties, help 😦
    I think location also matters a lot. NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING is cheap in LI, New York.

    One thing I will NOT sacrifice on is my dress, our photos and our honeymoon, afterall, it’s all we have after the big day.

    • dknytx Says:

      Girl, if mom is stressing you out, then mom needs to be put on the back burner ’til after the wedding…nothing wrong with that. I used to live in upstate NY and whenever I’d go down to LI…I was amazed at how expensive everything was! Stand firm girl…and don’t let anybody try to change your mind about your wannas.


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