The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

I’m a real adult March 15, 2010

Filed under: Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 12:36 pm
Tags: , ,

This whole wedding planning process has really shown me that I’ve grown up a lot lately.  I’m sure other ladies feel the same way.

Remember back in the day (before you found your wonderful hubby to be) how when things went a little sideways in a relationship, how you’d start planning your exit strategy?  Y’all would get in a couple of fights or not be vibing for a while and you were ready to move on…obviously this wasn’t the guy for you!  But now that I’m older and more mature (and found an absolutely fabulous dude), I recognize that things don’t always have to feel great to be great.  The Mister is a wonderful man and the man I’m so excited to spend the rest of my life with…that’s a fact.  Now there may be times where that’s not how either of us feels…but we’re mature enough to know that doesn’t change the facts.

My mom gave me some good advice.  She said that in every relationship, 25% of the time, things will be amazing…your heart will hurt from how much you feel like you’re in love.  Then she said that 50% of the time, things will be good.  Not amazing and not awful, just solid.  And that last 25%…the struggle.  Things aren’t vibing, y’all aren’t connecting like you should, it’s just…off.  She says that you grind through the tought times because you know that 75% of the time, things will be really good…or better.  That’s good stuff.

Another way that I know that I’m growing up is my reaction to folks during this whole wedding planning business.  I’m very gracious when presented with helpful hints and advice.  And when people totally crap on somthing that I’m doing for the wedding, I don’t get mad and start popping off at the mouth (which I would have a few years ago)…I just politely, nicely, and firmly hold my ground.  A few years ago, I may have informed those folks that they weren’t being forced to come to our wedding and if they felt so strongly that what I am doing is wrong, that perhaps they should keep themselves and their big mouths at home, lol!  But now I just smile and revel in how grownup I’ve become.

It’s been a cool process.  I’m just so excited to share this experience with The Mister and I can’t wait to start our life together.  Have you grown up since being with your fiance?  Do you think it’s a case of timing (right person at the right time) or the person himself?  Both?  Something else?


14 Responses to “I’m a real adult”

  1. Frugalista Says:

    I know timing plays a factor but the person, obviously is HUGE! I like that little 25/25/50 formula. It is very important to recognize that there are bumps in the road and that it isn’t some fairy tale where every day is perfect. It’s life afterall. Having faith that you are with the right person is what gets you through all that.

  2. Oh man I wish I had an amazingly wise mom like that

  3. Me gusta! I just read it to my FH. Tell mom that was a good one!

  4. buhdoop Says:

    Sometimes I think I’ve grown up, other times I feel like a child planning a birthday party or something like that.

  5. Cord Says:

    Buhdoop: I can totally relate to the child planning the birthday party feeling. At least, sometimes. I feel like I’m planning the party to end all parties but then I look at my budget and realize it’s just a get together, lol…but that’s just the wedding which I don’t want to confuse with the marriage.

    Regarding the marriage, I think I’ve matured so greatly. FH and I (him more so than me) have learned to become so patient with one another. We have learned to be each other’s strength where before we would never allow each other to see the other sweat. We’re just free to be us, not trying to impress, not trying to be better than, not trying to fit a mold and to us, that’s major growth.

  6. […] cuss out people who give me crap about how we’re planning our wedding.  So I re-read this and take many, many (many!) deep breaths.   Leave a […]

  7. Rosanna Says:

    This is not growing up… this is dying inside. Send people to H*ll whenever they deserve to be sent! Just be sure they deserve it. You won’t regret it, promised! You don’t want to wake up at 50 and start acting out that late but you will if you keep taking this cr*p. Speak up!!!

    • dknytx Says:

      Oh dear Rosanna…adults don’t scream and holler and cuss at people when they’re upset. Children do. I’m a grown *ss woman who’s learning that grown women stand with their heads held high, hand placed firmly on hip, eyes direct and firm…and talk to their adversaries in no uncertain terms. I believe that this weekend I earned a lot of respect for an unwavering spirit.

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