The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

I’m in a bit of a pickle March 25, 2010

Filed under: Black weddings — Happy Nappy Bride @ 10:04 am
Tags: , ,

I’m going home this weekend.  That’s a good thing!  I’ll get to see my mom and some folks who’ve been sick and in the hospital.  But I’ll also see folks, lots of folks, who aren’t invited to the wedding.

They’re all family, but they’re family that I see less than once a year…but they’re already sending out feelers that they want to come.  They can’t come, there’s no room.  People act like a wedding is a summer picnic or something…”oooo, I’m coming!  What do you want me to bring?”  Nothing…you’re not coming.

How do I handle this?  Can I cut off “the ask” by saying that too bad our venue is so small, but we sure do wish that we could invite them?  Or do I just ignore the subtle nudges?  What about the overt nudges…like when they give me their address so that I know where to send the invitation?

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16 Responses to “I’m in a bit of a pickle”

  1. Frugalista Says:

    Just smile and nod-LOL. Saying that the venue is too small and that you really do wish you could have more people is perfect. It shifts the burden of blame on the venue and away from you. Ideally, it would be nice to say ok you can come but to have you there exceeds our budget so you have to pay for your plate!! That is so not right so the only option is to leave people off the guest list which can be awkward. I’m kinda nervous. We invited about 117 knowing a bunch can’t come and some of that was just family members that mom wants to have an invite you know? Well, we only want 75-80. I am hoping we didn’t blow it.

  2. Ooooh. Tough one. I was slapped upside the head on that one myself a few times. My reply was always, “We haven’t confirmed the guest list yet, however we know we are only inviting our closest friends and IMMEDIATE family.”

    or

    “Our budget is teeny-tiny and we’re only inviting our closest friends and IMMEDIATE family.”

    But Frugalista is right – shift the blame elsewhere.

    • dknytx Says:

      Our invitations will go out next week, so it’ll be clear who is and isn’t invited. But the fam is all getting together this weekend, because an uncle is in the hospital and The Mister is coming with me, so at least they’ll get to meet him.

  3. I second Thirty-Something. The economy is on our side for this one. Prepare for some people to be hurt, but in the end they will understand.

  4. *taking notes* We have a family reunion in July that we will be attending and I KNOW I won’t be inviting all those folks.

    • dknytx Says:

      I’ll let you know how it goes after this weekend.

      • Tiffany In Houston Says:

        So how did it go with the family visit this weekend??

      • dknytx Says:

        Got a request to include ten more people to our list (!!) and I dutifully wrote down the names and addresses. I will call back in a couple days saying that we tried to work with the numbers and we just can’t make it work. As people RSVP “no”, then we’ll add others (even though we’ve invited ten more than the venue will hold as it is!).

  5. Amy Says:

    i hate the awkwardness that comes with those insensitive questions. i never know what to say to those people. let us know how you handle it!

  6. We are having a tiny wedding should work

  7. mglphx Says:

    Be proactive about it. Start conversations with them by saying you’re so happy that you’re getting this opportunity to see everyone now because the wedding/reception venues were so small you weren’t able to invite everyone you wanted to.


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