The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

Dear married people, March 30, 2010

Filed under: Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 11:34 am
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Please feel free to be honest with us single/engaged ladies about the realities of married life.  While surely I have no clue about what it takes to make marriage work (since I’m not married yet), I kinda think that it’s your job to help us out.  And not just the good stuff either, Honcho…but the stuff that had you and your hubby talking through gritted teeth last night.  Because the problem with you painting this rosy picture of marriage is that I feel like the crappiest person ever when The Mister and I have the occasional tiff.  Like, ohmygoodnesshowarewegonnastaymarriedifwedon’tevenagreeonthis?!

But then God sends folks into my life that bless me to no end.  Why? Because they’re honest.  They’re honest about their ups and downs and that they still are madly in love even though they fight.  They’re honest about their disagreements…which they don’t mind having in front of The Mister and I.  They’re honest about saying that with the stress of planning a wedding and trying to become a married couple that they didn’t really like each other all that much at their rehearsal dinner…and they told each other so!  Their honesty works because they honestly respect, appreciate, and love one another.

So, as you can see married people, we can (contrary to what Jack Nicholson thinks) handle the truth.

Thanks dudes,



11 Responses to “Dear married people,”

  1. Amy Says:

    I love this post! I freak out sometimes when Jonathon and I fight because I start to feel like engaged couple aren’t suppose to have disagreements and all almost married people are suppose to be 100% happy 100% of the time.

  2. courtnee Says:

    We are having this “disagreement” now. I want a reading in the ceremony that speaks to an authentic relationship that is not always easy. He thinks it should be all sweetness and roses! Thanks for the post. I wish that more marrieds would be honest about the fact that it can be hard.

  3. Your awareness alone is key.

    The Candyman and I went to pre-marital counseling and we still go! We went tonight! 🙂 We have spaced out our sessions with more and more time in between because we have learned to better communicate. We are complete opposites when we fight and/or want to confront the other with an important discussion. We really didn’t have to learn how to do this until after we were married. Why? Because it’s different, dammit! Being married makes some things hard because you are forced to look at issues (and yourself, blech) with a true partner in life and God.

    The really great thing is that we see marked imporvement in our communication with each other and you know what? It just makes you a better, stronger couple and it’s effing AMAZING.

    Does this help at all? 🙂

    • dknytx Says:

      That does help! Sometimes I worry about our communication styles because they’re so different…but I’ve seen us getting better already. There really is something about being able to talk about serious stuff (without worrying that the other is gonna bolt) that is empowering.

  4. Cord Says:

    Great Post! FH and I are priviledged to be part of a church that has a phenomenal marriage ministry. They’ve invited us to join the group since we are engaged and we’ve seen some great things (good and bad). We’re learning from other people’s triumphs and their mistakes as well. Transparency is the BEST characteristic any person can possess and we’re grateful to anyone that is transparant with us.

    Knowledge is power and thanks to our church and friends even outside our church, we sure are building a powerful marriage!

  5. This is such a great post. I really wish people would be honest about this whole process. It’s not easy, it’s not all smiles. There will be arguments, there will be disagreements. But ultimate you’ve just gotta remember what it’s all about.

    Mr E and I have had so many fights in the run up to this wedding. We even have days when we don’t like each, like each other’s company and sometimes fall out. I wonder is this what marriage is going to be like or is it because we’re under pressure. I don’t know. But like you, I appreciate people who tell it how it is.

    • dknytx Says:

      I’d bet it’s the planning…it’s like we’re in a pressure cooker. You’re planning, people have their wants, you’re trying not to seem like a crazy bridezilla…it’s all got to spill out somewhere.

  6. […] I still like them.  Check out John Lennon was about imagining a different way to be married and Dear Married People about honesty in talking about the […]

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