The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

misplaced July 30, 2010

Filed under: Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:46 am
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That’s Lots-O-Huggin Bear from Toy Story 3 and he may look like a kindly bear, but don’t be fooled my friends.  He’s shady, sneaky, and just plain ole mean…the antagonist of the movie.  He comes off as nice at first,  but then we find out he’s a sadistic and domineering leader.  And it’s not until we get some of his background story that we come to understand that he wasn’t always that way, but a series of hurts cause him to worry more about protecting himself than reaching out to love and care for others.*

Do you ever look at couples who have been together for a long time and wonder why they’re so unhappy?  Why they just seem to hate life and sometimes each other?  I always wonder if there was a time when they were super happy and something happened to them and it fell by the wayside.  Maybe they’re like Lots-O-Huggin and have switched to self-preservation mode…lashing out first before their partner can hurt them.  Are the happy couples the ones who are able to shake things off and not take things so personally?  Do they make the active choice not to keep track of every time their partner hurts or slights them?  The Bible says that having love for another means not keeping records of wrongs…interesting.

I know that there are a bunch of questions in there, but we’re all interested in chatting about relationships, right?  I don’t want to be in one of “those” marriages and I want to think about it now…before things start going sideways.  So what do you think?

*I promise that I didn’t ruin the movie for you!  You can still go and see this and be moved by its sweet story.
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tech overload July 29, 2010

Filed under: Building a life — Happy Nappy Bride @ 4:08 pm
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Over at A Simple Marriage, they’re talking about getting rid of television for a tighter relationship with your honey.  The benefits are pretty obvious: more family time, better relationships, more time for working out, even community service, etc.

I think for The Mister and I, it’d have to be getting rid of phones and laptops, TV’s just too easy.  Who needs television when everything I need is either on my phone or computer?

What do you think?  Would y’all be able to do this sort of thing?  Would you be able to take a technology break?  How long would you and your sweetie pie last?

 

two months in July 28, 2010

Filed under: Building a life — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:25 am
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The Mister and I have been married for two whole months now!  So many people say that their relationship isn’t much different after the big day, but I think ours is.  Now I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but here’s what I’ve learned so far:

Marriage is work So many people said that to me before the wedding and I just assumed they meant finding time to do the nasty or for having fun.  Since we’d just gotten married, I figured we wouldn’t have to worry about the “work” of marriage for a while.  But what I’ve learned (and maybe this will change as we’re married longer) is that the work is on me…and it’s uncomfortable.  I pray everyday that I can be the wife that The Mister needs me to be and that means I can’t selfishly walk through life anymore.  I’ve learned that his way is sometimes (as hard as it is to admit) the best way.  I’ve learned that biting my tongue is harder than that statistics class I took in college…and so much more applicable to life!  As it said in my Strong Willed Wife book, I don’t have to say everything that pops into my head.

Marriage feels good I don’t care how long you’ve dated, if you lived together before, whatever…being married is great.  I does feel different and in a very good way.  You and your husband declared not just your love, but your commitment, in front of your friends and family…that’s a game changer folks!  I feel so connected to The Mister, like it’s us against the world.  We were talking about work stuff this week and our goals and I just got so fired up…I couldn’t even sleep that night.  It’s like God had a plan for us all along and He’s slowly revealing it and the way The Mister and I fit together (he’s strong where I’m weak, and vice versa), we could really do some wonderful things together.

Marriage takes time I know you’re thinking…ummm, what?  Not the actual marriage, of course, but everything else.  Getting your name changed and social security cards and drivers licenses and insurance and bank accounts.  It takes time to wrap your brain around not being solo, to fully let go of “my stuff” and make it “our stuff”.  Before we got married, I just figured that we’d have an yours, mine, and ours financial situation and I figured out immediately that it wouldn’t work for us.  I didn’t feel like we were married in our finances.  The first of the month came around and both of us would pull out our respective checkbooks and go to work…there was no cooperation or working together or discussing goals for our loot.  Part of it was logistics since we left so quickly for our honeymoon, so now that things have settled down, we’re working hard to marry our finances as well.

How is your married life different than when you were flying solo?  How have you guys handled your marriage speed bumps?

 

on the ones and twos July 27, 2010

Filed under: Building a life,Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 6:49 am
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Scene: at The Mister and I’s home…that only has one bathroom (you’ll see why that’s important soon).

Me:  *putting my bedtime clothes on and getting ready to hit the hay*

The Mister: *turning out the lights and locking up the house for the night*

Me: *seeing him heading down the hall* Are you going to the bathroom?

The Mister: *looking at me like I’m crazy because there’s nothing else down that hall* Yeah.  (But said like “duh”.)

Me:  *nervously* Ummmm, is what you’re about to do gonna take one step or two?  Because I’ve gotta go too, but I’ve only got one step…so let me go first if you’ve got two steps.  *nimbly dodging the outright use of the words “poop” and “poo”*

The Mister:   *laughing* I’ve just got the one.

Me:  *relieved* Oh…okay.  Carry on.

How do you and your honey handle the bathroom…um…situation?  I know that we’re in a unique position since we only have one.  Do you have any unspoken rules?  Like warnings?  Or this bathroom is for one step…but use this one if your bathroom experience will require more than the basic one step endeavor?

 

you, me…and the therapist? July 26, 2010

Filed under: Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 1:13 pm
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So I was looking over my Psychology Today and realized I’d forgotten to chat with you guys about this article.  It’s by a  lady who wrote a book called “How to Get Divorced by 30”, who talks about her new relationship.  She’d only been dating this dude for a while when she suggested that they go to therapy together.  She thought that he’d run at the prospect, but he was down for it and they started going to weekly sessions.

Turns out it was great for their relationship.  The therapist could cut the heart of any disagreement without it turning in to a knockdown dragout, he (obviously) wouldn’t pick sides, and they both trusted him.  Seems great, but then I thought, what about learning to navigate the relationship world together?  What if there are benefits to disagreements and not always seeing eye to eye?  What happens when the therapist is out of the picture?

I can’t imagine what I would’ve said if The Mister had suggested therapy for us after dating for two months.  So what do you think?  Yay or nay on therapy during the early dating months?

 

oh happy day July 25, 2010

Filed under: Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 6:22 pm
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Last year, The Mister asked me to marry him on this date…best “yes” I ever gave!

 

I used to wonder… July 24, 2010

Filed under: Fun with hubbie — Happy Nappy Bride @ 5:22 pm
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…what married folks did all day?  Do they sit around staring at each other with googly “in love” eyes?  Do they just practice for baby making all the time?  Well, for The Mister and I, we’ll do movies and restaurants of course, but mostly we do our work…just together.  He’s got his laptop, I’ve got mine (and a Blue Moon) and we work for a few and then I beg him to go to Buffalo Wild Wings.  He rolls his eyes and then we eat enough calories to last a week…it’s great.

Isn’t he a cutie?  How do you and your hubby chill together?