The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

misplaced July 30, 2010

Filed under: Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:46 am
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That’s Lots-O-Huggin Bear from Toy Story 3 and he may look like a kindly bear, but don’t be fooled my friends.  He’s shady, sneaky, and just plain ole mean…the antagonist of the movie.  He comes off as nice at first,  but then we find out he’s a sadistic and domineering leader.  And it’s not until we get some of his background story that we come to understand that he wasn’t always that way, but a series of hurts cause him to worry more about protecting himself than reaching out to love and care for others.*

Do you ever look at couples who have been together for a long time and wonder why they’re so unhappy?  Why they just seem to hate life and sometimes each other?  I always wonder if there was a time when they were super happy and something happened to them and it fell by the wayside.  Maybe they’re like Lots-O-Huggin and have switched to self-preservation mode…lashing out first before their partner can hurt them.  Are the happy couples the ones who are able to shake things off and not take things so personally?  Do they make the active choice not to keep track of every time their partner hurts or slights them?  The Bible says that having love for another means not keeping records of wrongs…interesting.

I know that there are a bunch of questions in there, but we’re all interested in chatting about relationships, right?  I don’t want to be in one of “those” marriages and I want to think about it now…before things start going sideways.  So what do you think?

*I promise that I didn’t ruin the movie for you!  You can still go and see this and be moved by its sweet story.
 

tech overload July 29, 2010

Filed under: Building a life — Happy Nappy Bride @ 4:08 pm
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Over at A Simple Marriage, they’re talking about getting rid of television for a tighter relationship with your honey.  The benefits are pretty obvious: more family time, better relationships, more time for working out, even community service, etc.

I think for The Mister and I, it’d have to be getting rid of phones and laptops, TV’s just too easy.  Who needs television when everything I need is either on my phone or computer?

What do you think?  Would y’all be able to do this sort of thing?  Would you be able to take a technology break?  How long would you and your sweetie pie last?

 

two months in July 28, 2010

Filed under: Building a life — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:25 am
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The Mister and I have been married for two whole months now!  So many people say that their relationship isn’t much different after the big day, but I think ours is.  Now I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but here’s what I’ve learned so far:

Marriage is work So many people said that to me before the wedding and I just assumed they meant finding time to do the nasty or for having fun.  Since we’d just gotten married, I figured we wouldn’t have to worry about the “work” of marriage for a while.  But what I’ve learned (and maybe this will change as we’re married longer) is that the work is on me…and it’s uncomfortable.  I pray everyday that I can be the wife that The Mister needs me to be and that means I can’t selfishly walk through life anymore.  I’ve learned that his way is sometimes (as hard as it is to admit) the best way.  I’ve learned that biting my tongue is harder than that statistics class I took in college…and so much more applicable to life!  As it said in my Strong Willed Wife book, I don’t have to say everything that pops into my head.

Marriage feels good I don’t care how long you’ve dated, if you lived together before, whatever…being married is great.  I does feel different and in a very good way.  You and your husband declared not just your love, but your commitment, in front of your friends and family…that’s a game changer folks!  I feel so connected to The Mister, like it’s us against the world.  We were talking about work stuff this week and our goals and I just got so fired up…I couldn’t even sleep that night.  It’s like God had a plan for us all along and He’s slowly revealing it and the way The Mister and I fit together (he’s strong where I’m weak, and vice versa), we could really do some wonderful things together.

Marriage takes time I know you’re thinking…ummm, what?  Not the actual marriage, of course, but everything else.  Getting your name changed and social security cards and drivers licenses and insurance and bank accounts.  It takes time to wrap your brain around not being solo, to fully let go of “my stuff” and make it “our stuff”.  Before we got married, I just figured that we’d have an yours, mine, and ours financial situation and I figured out immediately that it wouldn’t work for us.  I didn’t feel like we were married in our finances.  The first of the month came around and both of us would pull out our respective checkbooks and go to work…there was no cooperation or working together or discussing goals for our loot.  Part of it was logistics since we left so quickly for our honeymoon, so now that things have settled down, we’re working hard to marry our finances as well.

How is your married life different than when you were flying solo?  How have you guys handled your marriage speed bumps?

 

on the ones and twos July 27, 2010

Filed under: Building a life,Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 6:49 am
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Scene: at The Mister and I’s home…that only has one bathroom (you’ll see why that’s important soon).

Me:  *putting my bedtime clothes on and getting ready to hit the hay*

The Mister: *turning out the lights and locking up the house for the night*

Me: *seeing him heading down the hall* Are you going to the bathroom?

The Mister: *looking at me like I’m crazy because there’s nothing else down that hall* Yeah.  (But said like “duh”.)

Me:  *nervously* Ummmm, is what you’re about to do gonna take one step or two?  Because I’ve gotta go too, but I’ve only got one step…so let me go first if you’ve got two steps.  *nimbly dodging the outright use of the words “poop” and “poo”*

The Mister:   *laughing* I’ve just got the one.

Me:  *relieved* Oh…okay.  Carry on.

How do you and your honey handle the bathroom…um…situation?  I know that we’re in a unique position since we only have one.  Do you have any unspoken rules?  Like warnings?  Or this bathroom is for one step…but use this one if your bathroom experience will require more than the basic one step endeavor?

 

you, me…and the therapist? July 26, 2010

Filed under: Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 1:13 pm
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So I was looking over my Psychology Today and realized I’d forgotten to chat with you guys about this article.  It’s by a  lady who wrote a book called “How to Get Divorced by 30”, who talks about her new relationship.  She’d only been dating this dude for a while when she suggested that they go to therapy together.  She thought that he’d run at the prospect, but he was down for it and they started going to weekly sessions.

Turns out it was great for their relationship.  The therapist could cut the heart of any disagreement without it turning in to a knockdown dragout, he (obviously) wouldn’t pick sides, and they both trusted him.  Seems great, but then I thought, what about learning to navigate the relationship world together?  What if there are benefits to disagreements and not always seeing eye to eye?  What happens when the therapist is out of the picture?

I can’t imagine what I would’ve said if The Mister had suggested therapy for us after dating for two months.  So what do you think?  Yay or nay on therapy during the early dating months?

 

oh happy day July 25, 2010

Filed under: Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 6:22 pm
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Last year, The Mister asked me to marry him on this date…best “yes” I ever gave!

 

I used to wonder… July 24, 2010

Filed under: Fun with hubbie — Happy Nappy Bride @ 5:22 pm
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…what married folks did all day?  Do they sit around staring at each other with googly “in love” eyes?  Do they just practice for baby making all the time?  Well, for The Mister and I, we’ll do movies and restaurants of course, but mostly we do our work…just together.  He’s got his laptop, I’ve got mine (and a Blue Moon) and we work for a few and then I beg him to go to Buffalo Wild Wings.  He rolls his eyes and then we eat enough calories to last a week…it’s great.

Isn’t he a cutie?  How do you and your hubby chill together?

 

bossy July 23, 2010

Filed under: Advice,Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 1:29 pm
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So, I’m bossy.  And nine times out of ten my personality works very well for me.  I get it done on my job, I’m organized at home, and can plan a meal for 10-15 folks lickity split.  Why?  ‘Cause I’m a boss.  (Thanks Kelis.)  I don’t want to be the boss of The Mister though.  We went to a dinner a while ago and saw a lady straight up treating her husband, who happened to be a grown *ss man, like a two-year old.  Telling him what to do, how to eat, talking over him if he deigned to have something to add to the conversation.  It was very uncomfortable, let me tell ya.  Homegirl actually yelled at him when he didn’t do what she asked.  Yelled at him.  In front of people.  O.  M.  G.

This book actually has a checklist in the first chapter to find out if you’re really strong-willed or not.  I was reading it while The Mister was doing something else and just started laughing.  Out of 40 markers, I checked 38 of them.  He looked at me like he wasn’t surprised when I told him that fun fact.  I’ll just pick out a random five for you to look at:

  • I like to be the person in charge.  (Clearly.)
  • I have strong opinions and convictions and like to share them.  (Ummm…have you read this blog?)
  • I can’t seem to back down in an argument even when I know I should. (Guilty as charged.)
  • I believe I shouldn’t have to repeat myself. (For real!)
  • I hate to ask for help. (With a passion.)

The writer, who’s a SWW (strong-willed wife) herself, has lots of good things to say about us bossy ladies and here’s one of my faves:  we are born leaders with firm convictions and are willing to go to  just about any length to make our dreams a reality.  We are dynamic, charismatic, confident, outspoken, and independent.  We are passionate about what we believe to be true and love an opportunity to share what we think with other. Holla!  That sounds good, right?  But in a marriage/family construct, if we SWW’s let our stuff get out of control, this could happen:

  • “Motivation” turns into just being “Pushy”
  • A “Problem Solver” turns into a “Busybody”
  • Our being “Opinionated” turns into being “Argumentative”
  • “Independence” could turn to “Overly Self-reliant”
  • “Determined” could change us to “Stubborn”

Ouch.  I’m all of those first things at work…and I’m killing it.  They love me there.  But work isn’t home and I’d doubt that any of us would want to live with a person who is pushy and argumentative and stubborn.  And we certainly don’t want to be that person.

This book is churchy and talks about how the Bible says marriage should look, so if that’s off-putting to you, don’t buy it.  But I’d strongly recommend you read it.  I hear a lot of bossy ladies say that they’re always exhausted because they feel like they’re doing everything themselves (which was on the checklist, by the way)…but you’ve got a hubby who’d love to help, so let him.  Anyhoo, this book doesn’t say that being a SWW is bad.  As a matter of fact, it says that it’s how God made us and why our hubbies fell in love with us…we just gotta watch it so we don’t go over to the dark side.

Any other bossy ladies out there?  How do you make it work in your home?  Do you feel yourself going to be dark side sometimes?  How do you get back?

 

at the movies July 22, 2010

Filed under: Date Nights,Fun with hubbie — Happy Nappy Bride @ 10:51 am
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Inception.  Go see it.  Seriously…go look up movie times and see this movie.

I love movies, but I’m the kind of person that immediately forgets a movie after seeing it.  Like, I remember liking the movie, but I can never put my finger on why.  I never remember scenes unless someone else brings it up and then maybe (maybe) I’ll remember as well.

Inception is one I’ll remember.

We went to see it a couple of days ago and I still remember everything…mostly because my brain was working so hard during the movie, lol!  Yesterday, randomly, I asked The Mister, “so do you think yada, yada, yada from the movie happened?”  It’s one of those that you’ll need time after the movie to decompress, to talk it out, to get your mind back in order.  So go see it with your honey and then grab a cup of coffee and try to figure out what just happened in that there movie.

Have you seen it yet?  Did you like it?  I wish we could talk more specifically, but I’d hate to ruin it for those who haven’t seen it…that would be uncool, dude.

 

good peeps July 21, 2010

Filed under: Building a life,Wedding recaps — Happy Nappy Bride @ 7:37 pm
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I know I showed you all the sign one of my bridesmaids made for our reception, but I didn’t tell you the rest of the story.  I think it’s important because it really characterizes how everyone was super helpful and awesome on the day of the wedding…and how that spirit of helpfulness really helped The Mister and I have a stress-free wedding day.

So when she showed me the finished sign while telling me the story of how the airline almost didn’t let her bring it on the plane because they thought it could be used as a weapon, I was already thinking, “this would look amazing in my flower bed out back.”  As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure I actually voiced that thought.

She left early the day after the wedding and I was bummed because I thought the sign had been left at the reception site.  After our breakfast with the folks from out of town, we got home and low and behold…there it was.  In the flower bed.  Pointed at our house just like I’d imagined out loud a couple of days before.

The same could be said for The Mister’s dudes…they were amazing.  We were still chatting with folks after the ceremony when we saw them breaking down the chuppah and tossing it like we’d planned.  And after the reception, while I was sweating and boogying on the dance floor, I saw the dudes were taking the gifts and extra booze back to our house out of the corner of my eye.

To me, that’s the wonderful part of weddings, the wonderful spirit of people who want to help.  I’m so happy to think that we started our married life with help from those folks who love us and care about us.  I mentioned to The Mister the other day that I wonder about the connection between how couples plan weddings and how they plan marriages and lives together.  Neither one of us is arrogant enough to think that we can do this thing on an island…away from people who care for us.

So our wedding was a microcosm of the life we want to lead.  A life where friends and family are there for us when we need them…not only because we asked, but because that’s what they wanted.  With no coordinator, the wedding wouldn’t have gone as smoothly without us leaning heavily on friends and fam…and I have a feeling that we will be able to count on them for a long time.