The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

rules of engagement July 8, 2010

Filed under: Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 4:50 pm
Tags: , ,

So I’m reading this cool book about being a stepmom (because I am one now) and she and her husband came up with rules for arguing and I thought, “what a fabulous idea!”  That way no one’s jumping off of the top rope trying to “win”.  Of course with a child that’s not mine living in the house there are other things to deal with, but we gotta keep the hubbie/wife relationship tight or else everything else falls apart.  Anyhoo, here’s what she said:

She calls them her Rules of Conflict

  1. No silent treatment.
  2. Time to think–thirty minutes or more.
  3. No fighting in front of the children.
  4. No running off in the car in the middle of an argument.
  5. If one person is not ready to talk and has been clear about that, the other person can’t push discussion.
  6. Come to some resolution or agreement to continue the discussion before bed.
  7. Always say, “I love you”, and kiss goodnight.
  8. Never start arguments with “you always” or “you never”.
  9. If no resolution, thumb war or rock-paper-scissors.
  10. Must conclude argument with makeup sex. (!!)
  11. No starting arguments just to have makeup sex. (LOL!!)
  12. Be nice.

I thought those were good…a nice starting point at least.  Arguments will happen right?  We’re two people with different ideas on how things “should” be done so I think having some ground rules is a high quality idea.  What do you think?  Have you and your hubby/hubby-to-be talked about this?  What are your rules?

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2 Responses to “rules of engagement”

  1. Courtnee Says:

    We also have “rules” to fight by and most of them are similar to those listed above. Because I have kind of a sarcastic personality and tend to go for the kill when fighting. When we start to disagree we separate (usually for an hour) to process-why are we fighting, is the about this or something else, can there be a good compromise. It has really helped us resolve conflict and I think reach a compromise faster because neither of us is trying to continue the argument to get the “win”


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