The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

staying together July 19, 2010

Filed under: Advice,Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 11:52 am
Tags: , ,

So I read a lot.  I usually have two or three books in rotation and I buy waaay too many magazines.  I bought this one the other day when I grabbed a solo lunch at Panda Express.  FYI, this was a pre-wedding thing that I did quite often.  When I needed to get away from work, I’d go get a wedding magazine (to which I had a slight addiction while we were engaged), go to Panda Express, get a bowl and an Izze and veg out.  So it was kinda like old times…except this time it was Cosmo, which we all know is about the s-e-x.  Therefore I think The Mister likes when he sees me reading it, lol!

Anyhoo, they had an article in there that I liked, so I figured I share it with y’all.  It’s titled, “The 5 Smartest Tips We’ve Heard This Year” and it’s about keeping your relationship bond tight with your hubby.

Tip 1: Have This Conversation With Him
It’s a “love checkup”.  After you’ve had a super good day with him, say something like “we have so much fun together and I love you so much and I want to keep it that way, so I was wondering if we could talk about the stuff that’s going well and not to well.”  Then there are a series of questions that you’re supposed to ask.  I like this idea in theory…I just wonder if The Mister would get annoyed with the forced convo.  But it seems like a good idea to take stock of our relationship regularly.

Tip 2:  Get Really Creative
With dating that is.  They say that “the happiest pairs make their ‘coupleness’ a priority.”

Tip 3:  Confide In Each Other
The article says that folks don’t often intend to cheat, but that it starts with them chatting up a coworker and sharing personal details, then kablam!  They’re in bed.  So it says that “psychologists are increasingly emphasizing one hard and fast rule for protecting your bond: make sure your guy opens up to you more than anyone else and vice versa.”

Tip 4:  Try Dirty Flirting
“Advertising to the world how much you want each other is key to keeping your connection solid and sex percolating.”  I won’t mention that that quote is from a lady who wrote a book about open marriage, because it seems like a good idea and I don’t want to undercut it.

Tip 5:  Support His Goals
The doctor involved in this study looked at183 couples and “discovered that those who affirmed each other’s ideal selves fought less, were more intimate, and felt extra satisfied in the relationship.”  And who doesn’t want to feel “extra satisfied”?  I know I do!

So what do you think?  Good ideas?  Especially you folks who’ve been married for a bit…do these tips make sense?  Do you have any to add?


12 Responses to “staying together”

  1. Frugalista Says:

    We do tip #1. We just kind of check in and ask each other how everything is going. It’s good to do that when you aren’t angry about something so it’s more objective and conversational. We haven’t done it in a while and probably should : ) Oh yea, and Cosmo is scandalous. In a good way! I can’t believe some of the things I read in there but I think it’s a good thing that sex is out in the open like that.

  2. Anon Says:

    I have to ask – there seem to be so many books and magazines out there to help women be better partners…aren’t there any for men to help them be better partners too?? Or are women expected to do all the work?

  3. Cynthia Says:

    I am not married but I am in a relationship and I like your very down to earth way of sharing. It is so good to hear this from a sistah perspective.

  4. That’s a really insightful list! Especially coming from Cosmo, which I must admit I’d always kind of dismissed as a sexazine and nothing more.

    I’ve definitely made a few mental notes. Thanks for sharing!

  5. Debra Says:

    Ah heck. Being with my Man for 11 years, I will say this. Yes. You definately want to do Tip#3. Confide in Eachother. Not only is the outcome beautiful, but it enhances each of your’s attributes. My husbands job, well, let’s just say, there are alot of women that are there that could be leaned on, or reallllyyy want to be leaned on. They want a Man like mine. He’s an intellectual magnet, precious hearted soul, and an extreme people person. Oh yeah, but so am I, so we fit. But I, just happen to be the type of woman that supports this man and all his endeavors. His jobs are exteme, years of work per each job sometimes. Well…… I want to get to know everyone that works at his company, so I make a beautiful food basket, with a surprise visit, and bam. There I am. There you can see who’s good, who’s bad, and who are the leaners. Ladies, know what I mean. They are out there. So, if you really love your man, You have no worries, not about him. Sorry to say I have to keep my ears open about other issues and situations. Quotations, etc. I am a strong Woman, and believe me, what is mine is mine. So you must have a bond. A righteous bond that works both ways.

    • Debra Lou Lou Belle Says:

      I love the chic sexiness of Cosmo too. Yesssssss I love magazinesssss. I am an addict. I slip them in whilst me and Robert, are on our clock shopping. Will tell you that later. He hates grocery shopping. Guess that should tell it all. Oh yeah, he loves when I get my VS mags in the mail to order something special. Or a book of KamaSutra in which draws him to sneak over to look at the pages as I read. Then conversation starts. Come to think of it, he loves when I get smiles over new names of undies, etc. hahahaha. I dig those new cheeks. No pany lines. Oh yeah. They are good. Cosmo is a cool mag, always has been. That dad burned Brittany, pull your pants up!!! LMFO. Nah, I am happy in my skin. You know Mrs. Dawn, I do dig your hair. Grow it out some more, and curl it with some big rollers, have large curls. You have the face for it. Awesome. Anywho, just having fun commenting on so many things. I love it. Blessing to you all and your love Mates. Be strong, and be wise. When you are married and do confide in each other, do things together, and also apart, your lives with be so enriched. Our favorite thing to do together is to go to church. Holding hands and listening, understanding that we are in the house of God, Gives us chills.
      And even more love when we come home. In this day and time of so many struggles, our homes are our comforts from it all. In each others arms is the greatest comfort of all.
      Ciao~ Debra

    • I LOVE that food basket idea…might have to steal that one!

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