The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

you, me…and the therapist? July 26, 2010

Filed under: Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 1:13 pm
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So I was looking over my Psychology Today and realized I’d forgotten to chat with you guys about this article.  It’s by a  lady who wrote a book called “How to Get Divorced by 30”, who talks about her new relationship.  She’d only been dating this dude for a while when she suggested that they go to therapy together.  She thought that he’d run at the prospect, but he was down for it and they started going to weekly sessions.

Turns out it was great for their relationship.  The therapist could cut the heart of any disagreement without it turning in to a knockdown dragout, he (obviously) wouldn’t pick sides, and they both trusted him.  Seems great, but then I thought, what about learning to navigate the relationship world together?  What if there are benefits to disagreements and not always seeing eye to eye?  What happens when the therapist is out of the picture?

I can’t imagine what I would’ve said if The Mister had suggested therapy for us after dating for two months.  So what do you think?  Yay or nay on therapy during the early dating months?


8 Responses to “you, me…and the therapist?”

  1. Frugalista Says:

    I’m on the fence. I generally feel it can’t hurt but in the very early months shouldn’t you still kinda be in your honeymoon period and not fighting anyways? And it you can’t make it through the honeymoon period without fighting then what’s next? Also, sometimes it’s better to just let things naturally flow. Nothing says we are an item like going to therapy and even if you know you already want to be together that soon I am taken right back to the why are you already fighting point?

  2. Jameil Says:

    Hold up… (waaaaaait). For real? She wrote a book called “How to Get Divorced by 30″? Come on. I hope that was sarcastic. If someone wanted me to go to therapy after 2 mos. I would look at them like they were crazy. Can I learn your mom’s maiden name before we skip off to therapy? Sheesh.

  3. AM Says:

    I am undecided…I’ve been married 20 years and counting…self navigation is nice and good but along the way we all need a little guidance…call it what you want – therapy, a marriage mentor, premarital counseling…i think they all serve the same purpose and are invaluable. The thing is when you’re young and starting out – you don’t know what you don’t know…you havent unpacked all of his baggage nor he yours. You dont have the practical insight to go along with what you’re getting from a therapist/counselor/mentor.

  4. Sarah Says:

    I wouldn’t mind a little assistance with the navigation sometimes, but I have a feeling that’s mostly because I want someone to take my side and convince T that I’m right and he’s wrong, which is both juvenile and embarassing. It’s also probably not the point of therapy.

    I find that the best way to resolve a dispute is to start with a hug.

    If I’m particularly pissed off, the first thing I try to do is remind myself how very important it is to me that we resolve what is bothering us and remember that we’re in this for life — and I want to be in it for life. Then, I go in for the hug. It’s much easier to explain what’s bothering me inside a hug than when there is distance.

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