The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

two months in July 28, 2010

Filed under: Building a life — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:25 am
Tags: , , ,

The Mister and I have been married for two whole months now!  So many people say that their relationship isn’t much different after the big day, but I think ours is.  Now I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but here’s what I’ve learned so far:

Marriage is work So many people said that to me before the wedding and I just assumed they meant finding time to do the nasty or for having fun.  Since we’d just gotten married, I figured we wouldn’t have to worry about the “work” of marriage for a while.  But what I’ve learned (and maybe this will change as we’re married longer) is that the work is on me…and it’s uncomfortable.  I pray everyday that I can be the wife that The Mister needs me to be and that means I can’t selfishly walk through life anymore.  I’ve learned that his way is sometimes (as hard as it is to admit) the best way.  I’ve learned that biting my tongue is harder than that statistics class I took in college…and so much more applicable to life!  As it said in my Strong Willed Wife book, I don’t have to say everything that pops into my head.

Marriage feels good I don’t care how long you’ve dated, if you lived together before, whatever…being married is great.  I does feel different and in a very good way.  You and your husband declared not just your love, but your commitment, in front of your friends and family…that’s a game changer folks!  I feel so connected to The Mister, like it’s us against the world.  We were talking about work stuff this week and our goals and I just got so fired up…I couldn’t even sleep that night.  It’s like God had a plan for us all along and He’s slowly revealing it and the way The Mister and I fit together (he’s strong where I’m weak, and vice versa), we could really do some wonderful things together.

Marriage takes time I know you’re thinking…ummm, what?  Not the actual marriage, of course, but everything else.  Getting your name changed and social security cards and drivers licenses and insurance and bank accounts.  It takes time to wrap your brain around not being solo, to fully let go of “my stuff” and make it “our stuff”.  Before we got married, I just figured that we’d have an yours, mine, and ours financial situation and I figured out immediately that it wouldn’t work for us.  I didn’t feel like we were married in our finances.  The first of the month came around and both of us would pull out our respective checkbooks and go to work…there was no cooperation or working together or discussing goals for our loot.  Part of it was logistics since we left so quickly for our honeymoon, so now that things have settled down, we’re working hard to marry our finances as well.

How is your married life different than when you were flying solo?  How have you guys handled your marriage speed bumps?


21 Responses to “two months in”

  1. beka Says:

    This is an awesome post- and so true. Congrats on two months 🙂

  2. AM Says:

    ditto to everything you said…especially marriage feels good.
    Through thick and thin, ups and downs,it is more than good to know that you have some1 on this earth who’s got your back.
    On a lighter note – when I first got married, people would call me Mrs. _____ and I literally went, who’s that, until I realize they were calling me! 🙂 Took a little while to sink in.

  3. Jameil Says:

    This is such a cool post! I love stories like this! Yay marriage!

  4. Congratulations!

    I too am celebrating our two month anniversary!!
    I have to agree it does feel different, in a good way, and it is hard work. I am more mindful of things such as apologizing when I’m wrong, and holding my tongue. I our partnership and the team we have become. It’s an awesome feeling.

  5. Kim Says:

    Hi Dawn, I finally got up enough nerve to send a response. Umm I am not married (wish I was, though). Without going into my whole life story, I am a 40+ african american single female, educated, had my own business, well traveled, faithful member of a church, community activitist etc, etc etc (but make no mistake life has groomed me well I am not bitter, angry or asking God why I am not married yet. I am enjoying my singleness and preparing myself to meet someone soon. Anyway, I am enjoying your blog, at the time I signed up I felt like it would be a good idea to learn some things that maybe I would be too shy to ask or discuss. I hope you don’t mind, just thought I would let you know that there are probably a few single ladies gleaming from your experience to help us when our time comes around.

  6. Karen Says:

    You make me want to get to 10.10 so badly! I’m nervousexcitedhappy thinking about being his Mrs. And can you please send the author of the Stong Willed Wife book…I might need that joint!

  7. Tiffany Says:

    My first year of marriage certainly proved that marriage is HARD WORK! You can’t just sit back and let things go with the flow. You have to actively create the type of marriage you want. It’s hard, but it’s must be done.

  8. Tazzee Says:

    As far as the two of us, I haven’t noticed much change. The biggest change/challenge is the kids. I’m learning daily and I praise God my husband is so patient.

    Because we have the same last name, we were able to bypass all those changes. But that made me a little lazy. We missed the 30 day deadline to notify HR.

    Our finances are married by default. We planned to have the his, mine and ours but he consistently brings me his pay. That’s what he saw growing up. I hate that he has to come to me for $$ but that’s how he likes it. The control freak in me loves knowing where all the money is going. But what is he going to do when it’s time to buy me a gift? LOL

  9. Yvonne Says:

    I’m not married yet but I’ve always been a huge supporter of marriage. When its done Gods way, its the best decision anyone can make for their life. Congrats to you and Mister. xoxo

  10. alison Says:

    just found your blog. congrats on being two months in! and it is work, isn’t it? learning to bite my tongue has been a very important lesson! may have to check out that “strong willed wife” book..

    • Beware of that book, you’ll become way to conscious of how your mouth may be a bit out of control. I highlighted so many sections and have gone back to read the highlighted sections a few times already.

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