The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

bossy July 23, 2010

Filed under: Advice,Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 1:29 pm
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So, I’m bossy.  And nine times out of ten my personality works very well for me.  I get it done on my job, I’m organized at home, and can plan a meal for 10-15 folks lickity split.  Why?  ‘Cause I’m a boss.  (Thanks Kelis.)  I don’t want to be the boss of The Mister though.  We went to a dinner a while ago and saw a lady straight up treating her husband, who happened to be a grown *ss man, like a two-year old.  Telling him what to do, how to eat, talking over him if he deigned to have something to add to the conversation.  It was very uncomfortable, let me tell ya.  Homegirl actually yelled at him when he didn’t do what she asked.  Yelled at him.  In front of people.  O.  M.  G.

This book actually has a checklist in the first chapter to find out if you’re really strong-willed or not.  I was reading it while The Mister was doing something else and just started laughing.  Out of 40 markers, I checked 38 of them.  He looked at me like he wasn’t surprised when I told him that fun fact.  I’ll just pick out a random five for you to look at:

  • I like to be the person in charge.  (Clearly.)
  • I have strong opinions and convictions and like to share them.  (Ummm…have you read this blog?)
  • I can’t seem to back down in an argument even when I know I should. (Guilty as charged.)
  • I believe I shouldn’t have to repeat myself. (For real!)
  • I hate to ask for help. (With a passion.)

The writer, who’s a SWW (strong-willed wife) herself, has lots of good things to say about us bossy ladies and here’s one of my faves:  we are born leaders with firm convictions and are willing to go to  just about any length to make our dreams a reality.  We are dynamic, charismatic, confident, outspoken, and independent.  We are passionate about what we believe to be true and love an opportunity to share what we think with other. Holla!  That sounds good, right?  But in a marriage/family construct, if we SWW’s let our stuff get out of control, this could happen:

  • “Motivation” turns into just being “Pushy”
  • A “Problem Solver” turns into a “Busybody”
  • Our being “Opinionated” turns into being “Argumentative”
  • “Independence” could turn to “Overly Self-reliant”
  • “Determined” could change us to “Stubborn”

Ouch.  I’m all of those first things at work…and I’m killing it.  They love me there.  But work isn’t home and I’d doubt that any of us would want to live with a person who is pushy and argumentative and stubborn.  And we certainly don’t want to be that person.

This book is churchy and talks about how the Bible says marriage should look, so if that’s off-putting to you, don’t buy it.  But I’d strongly recommend you read it.  I hear a lot of bossy ladies say that they’re always exhausted because they feel like they’re doing everything themselves (which was on the checklist, by the way)…but you’ve got a hubby who’d love to help, so let him.  Anyhoo, this book doesn’t say that being a SWW is bad.  As a matter of fact, it says that it’s how God made us and why our hubbies fell in love with us…we just gotta watch it so we don’t go over to the dark side.

Any other bossy ladies out there?  How do you make it work in your home?  Do you feel yourself going to be dark side sometimes?  How do you get back?

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at the movies July 22, 2010

Filed under: Date Nights,Fun with hubbie — Happy Nappy Bride @ 10:51 am
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Inception.  Go see it.  Seriously…go look up movie times and see this movie.

I love movies, but I’m the kind of person that immediately forgets a movie after seeing it.  Like, I remember liking the movie, but I can never put my finger on why.  I never remember scenes unless someone else brings it up and then maybe (maybe) I’ll remember as well.

Inception is one I’ll remember.

We went to see it a couple of days ago and I still remember everything…mostly because my brain was working so hard during the movie, lol!  Yesterday, randomly, I asked The Mister, “so do you think yada, yada, yada from the movie happened?”  It’s one of those that you’ll need time after the movie to decompress, to talk it out, to get your mind back in order.  So go see it with your honey and then grab a cup of coffee and try to figure out what just happened in that there movie.

Have you seen it yet?  Did you like it?  I wish we could talk more specifically, but I’d hate to ruin it for those who haven’t seen it…that would be uncool, dude.

 

good peeps July 21, 2010

Filed under: Building a life,Wedding recaps — Happy Nappy Bride @ 7:37 pm
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I know I showed you all the sign one of my bridesmaids made for our reception, but I didn’t tell you the rest of the story.  I think it’s important because it really characterizes how everyone was super helpful and awesome on the day of the wedding…and how that spirit of helpfulness really helped The Mister and I have a stress-free wedding day.

So when she showed me the finished sign while telling me the story of how the airline almost didn’t let her bring it on the plane because they thought it could be used as a weapon, I was already thinking, “this would look amazing in my flower bed out back.”  As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure I actually voiced that thought.

She left early the day after the wedding and I was bummed because I thought the sign had been left at the reception site.  After our breakfast with the folks from out of town, we got home and low and behold…there it was.  In the flower bed.  Pointed at our house just like I’d imagined out loud a couple of days before.

The same could be said for The Mister’s dudes…they were amazing.  We were still chatting with folks after the ceremony when we saw them breaking down the chuppah and tossing it like we’d planned.  And after the reception, while I was sweating and boogying on the dance floor, I saw the dudes were taking the gifts and extra booze back to our house out of the corner of my eye.

To me, that’s the wonderful part of weddings, the wonderful spirit of people who want to help.  I’m so happy to think that we started our married life with help from those folks who love us and care about us.  I mentioned to The Mister the other day that I wonder about the connection between how couples plan weddings and how they plan marriages and lives together.  Neither one of us is arrogant enough to think that we can do this thing on an island…away from people who care for us.

So our wedding was a microcosm of the life we want to lead.  A life where friends and family are there for us when we need them…not only because we asked, but because that’s what they wanted.  With no coordinator, the wedding wouldn’t have gone as smoothly without us leaning heavily on friends and fam…and I have a feeling that we will be able to count on them for a long time.

 

the power of food July 20, 2010

Filed under: Building a life,Meals/Meal planning — Happy Nappy Bride @ 1:56 pm
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At some point I wrote about creating a life with The Mister and actively thinking about the life we’d create together.   I got some grief about wanting to be “traditional” in the sense that I’d do the cooking.  Let’s get one thing straight.  The Mister was single for a long time before me and he didn’t die of starvation, so he knows how to cook…sorta.  But it’s not his forte.  He’s good at tons of things, but this just isn’t one of them.  It does happen to be an area that I excel in and happen to love doing.

I’ve always loved cooking.  When I was in college, our fraternity brothers would come over and I’d pull some chicken out of the freezer and get to frying.  And when I lived in Houston, I’d have holiday parties all the time where people were only required to bring themselves and a happy attitude.

For us, part of the life we’d like to create is having people over and entertaining.  I’ve already said that I love to cook, so that’s a no-brainer.  And The Mister is fantastic with people (and I’m just alright), so we’re the perfect party-having couple.  People always seem to gather around food.  To just sit and talk or tell funny stories or play games or just catch up.  I love the feeling that food brings to people.  Like many women before me, sharing my food and my home with you is my way of showing love.  I want folks to be comfy and at home when they’re at our place.

And even when it’s just our little family, I want everyone to feel loved through our food.  I try for most of what we eat to be organic because I believe it’s better for us…there’s nothing that’s just out of a box on our table.  The act of eating together is pretty important to us in terms of creating a family.  The Mister’s daughter will set the table and he’ll help me get everything on the table.  One of us will say grace and we’ll chow down.  And life goes a little slower and I like that…we listen to music instead of the television, we sit and chat rather than looking at our phones or laptops…we connect with each other.

Have you thought about the life you and your hubby would like to create?  Why is it important to you?

 

grilling 101

Filed under: Meals/Meal planning — Happy Nappy Bride @ 1:38 pm
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Remember that ghetto song “She Get It From Her Momma”…about a chick with a big booty?  Whose mom had a corresponding big booty?  Anyhoo, I’ve got something that I get from my momma…and it ain’t a large derriere.  I love to cook and in the summertime, I love to cook outside.  One day, I hope to be as good a cook as my mom…but for now, I’m happy with where I am.

Anyhoo, here’s how to guarantee a fabulous meal of grilled meats (mmmmm…grilled meat!):

Marinate the meat for a few hours, then take it out of the fridge about an hour before you want to grill it so that it’s room temperature.  Yesterday I did chicken legs and ribeye.  Make sure your marinade has oil in it so that the meat doesn’t stick.

After you set the meat out, time to get the fire started.  Now I know there’s lots of debate over charcoal vs. gas grills, but in my mind there’s no question…charcoal is the way to go.  Yes, it takes longer to get ready than gas, but do you want your food done quickly and not so tasty or have to wait a bit and have it taste fabulous?  I’m going with fabulous.  Anyhoo, pyramid your coals, light ’em up and wait ’til they turn ashy.  Or you can use a coal starter, then dump the coals into your grill.  This here fancy Weber grill was a wedding gift…yippee!

Spread out the coals after they’re ashy and put on your meat.  I typically make a fire with a hot side and a not so hot side.   That way I can move meat around once its browned and it’ll keep cooking but not get much browner.  Here I’ve got the steak (about an inch thick) away from the hot side of the coals…cooking on indirect heat for about twenty minutes.  The steak isn’t over coals at all.

I know that some folks keep a spray bottle of oil and vinegar around for basting the meat and I used to, but I’ve found that if I marinate the meat well, it doesn’t need it.  So that eliminates a step and keeps the grill from getting all greasy.  Here’s the chicken right before I took it off…tasty!   Like I said before, I took the ribeyes off after about twenty minutes and they were medium well.

I didn’t yesterday, but I often do veggies on the grill…I’m sure I’ll post about that at some point.  Now get to grillin’!  If you’re in the north like me, we’ve only got a few months left before it’s too chilly to be outside cooking.

 

staying together July 19, 2010

Filed under: Advice,Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 11:52 am
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So I read a lot.  I usually have two or three books in rotation and I buy waaay too many magazines.  I bought this one the other day when I grabbed a solo lunch at Panda Express.  FYI, this was a pre-wedding thing that I did quite often.  When I needed to get away from work, I’d go get a wedding magazine (to which I had a slight addiction while we were engaged), go to Panda Express, get a bowl and an Izze and veg out.  So it was kinda like old times…except this time it was Cosmo, which we all know is about the s-e-x.  Therefore I think The Mister likes when he sees me reading it, lol!

Anyhoo, they had an article in there that I liked, so I figured I share it with y’all.  It’s titled, “The 5 Smartest Tips We’ve Heard This Year” and it’s about keeping your relationship bond tight with your hubby.

Tip 1: Have This Conversation With Him
It’s a “love checkup”.  After you’ve had a super good day with him, say something like “we have so much fun together and I love you so much and I want to keep it that way, so I was wondering if we could talk about the stuff that’s going well and not to well.”  Then there are a series of questions that you’re supposed to ask.  I like this idea in theory…I just wonder if The Mister would get annoyed with the forced convo.  But it seems like a good idea to take stock of our relationship regularly.

Tip 2:  Get Really Creative
With dating that is.  They say that “the happiest pairs make their ‘coupleness’ a priority.”

Tip 3:  Confide In Each Other
The article says that folks don’t often intend to cheat, but that it starts with them chatting up a coworker and sharing personal details, then kablam!  They’re in bed.  So it says that “psychologists are increasingly emphasizing one hard and fast rule for protecting your bond: make sure your guy opens up to you more than anyone else and vice versa.”

Tip 4:  Try Dirty Flirting
“Advertising to the world how much you want each other is key to keeping your connection solid and sex percolating.”  I won’t mention that that quote is from a lady who wrote a book about open marriage, because it seems like a good idea and I don’t want to undercut it.

Tip 5:  Support His Goals
The doctor involved in this study looked at183 couples and “discovered that those who affirmed each other’s ideal selves fought less, were more intimate, and felt extra satisfied in the relationship.”  And who doesn’t want to feel “extra satisfied”?  I know I do!

So what do you think?  Good ideas?  Especially you folks who’ve been married for a bit…do these tips make sense?  Do you have any to add?

 

it’s so cute! July 18, 2010

Filed under: Building a life — Happy Nappy Bride @ 8:03 pm
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I finally got our poster framed up and I think it turned out great.

I don’t think The Mister was all that fired up about it before, but now that it’s all framed up and professional looking…I think he really likes it.  And other folks have told us that it’s cute too.  Now we just have to figure out where to put it…which is another married first.  Trying to decorate a house together.  Yikers.