The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

perspective August 10, 2010

Filed under: Building a life,Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 8:52 am
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So we were at church the other day and the pastor starts telling a story that really stuck with me…enough that I wrote myself a note to blog about it!  Anyhoo, here’s the story.  He had a son who had a thirteen hour brain surgery when he was younger.  Obviously lots of folks came by to speak with the family, wait it out if they could, and just generally to be supportive.  That was alright.  Then when the son was well enough to receive visitors, folks started coming by…and of course they’d have a card or flowers with them.  And many times there was a couple of bucks inside the card.  And his sisters began to be jealous of him…like, why is he getting all of the attention and money?!!  And he was jealous of them…this surgery sucks and I’m in a lot of pain, why do I have to go through this crap?!!

That made me think of a couple of situations where that could happen.  I know a couple that’s been married about four years and they’re having a hard time with their household chore situation.  She thinks she’s doing everything and taking care of the kids.  He thinks he’s doing everything and working an extra job.  Both of them are feeling put out and unappreciated and not seeing the other person’s perspective on things.  I wonder if us married folks sometimes get caught up in tallying a score (well, I cooked and did laundry and cleaned the bathroom…what have you done?) rather than appreciating what each person is bringing to the table.

Or how about the man or woman that decides that it’d be better to cheat on their spouse than try to work things out?  Talk about skewed perspective!  These are the fools that are envious of their brother’s thirteen hour brain surgery!  But they got their eyes off of what’s important.  They’ve turned their eyes from what they can do to make their partner happy to all of the things that their spouse isn’t doing to make them happy.  Soon, every problem in their life can be directly attributed (in their mind) to their husband or wife…so eliminate them and happiness should follow, right?  Well, as Mr. Tiger Woods about that.  I bet he’d give all of those trysts back in order to reclaim his family and stellar golf game.

What do you think?  How does perspective color our reactions and happiness level?

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4 Responses to “perspective”

  1. Very, very well put. Perspective is very important in a marriage. People often lose sight of what their spouse is bringing to the table, and what they have brought to the table over the years. I try to be a servant (in the biblical sense) to my husband, and he does the same thing too. If he isn’t happy, I’m not happy and vice versa. There is no scorecard, no tallying of points, none of that. Just lots of love, support, communication, and friendship.

    • That over the years thing is huge! I know of couples where the hubby supported the wife while she was getting started and now that she’s blowin’ up, he’s all sorts lazy and unmotivated. *shaking head*

  2. AM Says:

    this is good…very good. That story brings the point home. We’re not supposed to keep score but sometimes we do..just because. Thanks for the timely reminder…
    You’re doing a great service to your readers…


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