The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

finding community August 17, 2010

Filed under: Building a life,Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 10:37 am
Tags: , ,

You are not the only one
Who feels like the only one.

–David Crowder Band

That quotation is from one of my favorite songs and it always gives me tingles to hear it because so often, we feel like we’re the only one’s thinking certain things, or feeling certain things, or worried about those things.  And as much as we feel those things, we don’t talk about them.  We stew, we mope, we agonize…but we don’t talk.  So I wanted to talk a bit about things that have vexed me over the different stages of my life.

Single: I remember worrying that I’d never meet anyone who “got” me…who not only tolerated my quirks, but embraced them.  I remember thinking that I would never get married and trying to wrap my brain around that…but I was too embarrassed to actually talk to anyone about it.  Then I remember fighting those thoughts off by openly admitting that I did want to be married.  Lo and behold, a got introduced to The Mister and the rest is history…the man who God brought to me.

Engaged: So I finally met a great guy who understood me and loved me, then I started worrying about the wedding.  I’m sure everyone does the same thing when they first get married:  go buy up a mess of bridal magazines and go online and look up weddings in order to get ideas.  Those are the places where I first learned to feel inferior about the wedding we imagined and looked forward to…because it wasn’t nearly fancy enough.

Then I felt comfortable being the anti-bride and not falling for “the man’s” idea of what a wedding or bride should be…or so I thought.  Then I fretted over not wanting to do DIY projects and not recognizing gays in some meaningful way at our ceremony…because that’s what the cool brides were doing.  *sigh*  In the end, our wedding was so much fun and it was touching and memorable in our own way.  Turns out all of the worry was for nothing, but I probably could have save myself from it in the first place by just talking about it.

Married: Obviously I haven’t been married long enough for this list to be super long, but I will say that I worry about sucking at being a wife.  I pray every morning that I’m the wife that The Mister needs me to be.  I’ve seen so many bad examples (wives yelling and belittling their husbands, couples fighting, husbands cheating) that I’m pretty energized to not be those people.  I want him to look forward to coming home, not “work late” so that he doesn’t have to hang out with me like some of the dudes I know.  I want the two of us to create a home that is comfortable and welcoming…for us as well as others.

What about you?  What are those things that you’ve blown up to be a bigger deal than they should’ve been because you worried yourself to death?


14 Responses to “finding community”

  1. I really liked this post. I relate to what you wrote about being single and thinking being in a serious relationship would be impossible. I actually moved into my first apartment with no roommates the week before I met Collin, and I remember thinking, “This is the place where I become so set in my ways that I can never live with someone again.” But as it turns out Collin and I are pretty good at appreciating each other’s quirks. Or ignoring them. Or in some cases begrudgingly putting up with them.

  2. courtnee Says:

    Sometimes I feel like you’re in my head:D

    The other night when I got in bed i grabbed Doug’s hand and felt his wedding band. I had a moment of “Holy Crap I’m his wife!” and then this huge realization that my action/ inaction, choices, etc. are a huge part in our success as couple. Not that I haven’t felt this before but for some reason the other night it hit me like a ton of bricks.I have already been married once and I have a huge fear of failing as a wife(again).

    Posts like this make me realize I’m not alone.Thank you!

  3. Patricia Says:

    However this might sound, I enjoy reading your blog. However,I’m 58 and still stuck on #1- Single. I still, pray,hope,stay my nice self ( which is what other say about me) and enjoy being me. but I’m still stuck on Single….

  4. Karen Says:

    Dawn, you are so inside my head! thanks for this post. It feels good to have a community of women who all want to be the best partners to their spouses. Whatever that looks like.

    I feel like I don’t get the support I need from my single friends when I talk about being a good and even humble wife. We are all so strong willed, bad a$$ women running the world that we forget that in a marriage it’s not just about you anymore. And for that, I am thankful.

  5. beka Says:

    I’ve only been a wife for 16 months but so far the only thing I’ve got figured out is that being a wife is hard to figure out!

  6. I also am fearful of being a bad wife, in particular since my FI has been married before and he wasn’t very pleased with his ex! But I told him that I have not done this before so he has to be patient and he has to let go of the demons from his first marriage. Everything we do together is brand new, we write our own rules.

  7. Tazzee Says:

    I can identify with your single and married stages. I constantly pray that I’m the best wife I can be. I’m even more worried about being a stepmom but I’ve found other strong women in that circle too, so I’m not alone.

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