The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

more baby talk August 24, 2010

Filed under: Building a life,Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:12 am
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The other day when I was getting my nails done, the lady doing my toes started chatting with me and asking about my new marriage.  Then, predictably, the convo turned to babies.  Now I go to this shop all of the time:  went there with my bridal party, have taken my step-daughter there…they know me by name.  And here’s one of the things that I hear a lot from the ladies:  have a baby to solidify your marriage.  I mean, she didn’t say it just like that, but that’s the gist.  She actually said that marriage would be “better” once we had kids.  For unmarrieds, this is generally seen as being the most ridiculous thing ever, but for marrieds…apparently not.  It seems that anchor babies are all the rage.

Another thing that I’ve heard since I was a youngin was when folks marry who’ve already got kids, they need to have their own right away to make it harder for one of them to leave.  I guess the reasoning is that if you have a kid between the two of you, then you’re more invested in the relationship.

Surely I’m not the only one who’s heard this kind of stuff.  Am I wrong to think it’s hooey?  Call me crazy, but I’d hope that The Mister is all in with me already and I don’t have to trick him into staying with me by having an anchor baby.   Plus, I’m pretty sure I read in a Psychology Today that folks who have kids have more arguments, less money, and have less bedroom shenanigans…that’s a better marriage? Now if I remember correctly, the article also said that even with all of those negative characteristics, people love being parents and wouldn’t change it for the world.

Of course The Mister and I plan on having some kiddos, but I’d hope that the desire behind it wouldn’t be to make sure the other person doesn’t go running in the other direction.

Have you guys heard of stuff like this?


18 Responses to “more baby talk”

  1. I guess I’m in trouble then…since my husband and I decided to not have kids. My husband has a daughter from his previous marriage, and I just don’t want any children. My hairdresser told me “girl, you better give that man a baby.” Seriously, I could give him one, but he doesn’t want it and neither do! How hard it for people to understand…we don’t want any.

  2. Karen Says:

    ditto natasha! and dawn, yes i’ve heard the “have a baby” hooey. usually spoken by people who’s children are now grown and gave birth back in the day when their mother, sister, neighbor, friends aka “the village” would and could help you raise your child. my friend, who had a honeymoon baby has cautioned us all about the woes of immediate family making. their marriage is fine and they love their little girl, BUT she was like it’s a major stressor for all the reasons you pointed out (goodbye money, sex, going out, quiet time). i know Old Dude ain’t going nowhere, baby or not!

  3. Frugalista Says:

    Yes, that bs sounds like something out of the 18th century. Have a baby to keep ’em? With all the baby daddy’s and single mom’s running around I’m thinking that it does NOT exactly work. Me and the hubby are probably not gonna have kids. They sound so stressful. I feel like life can be hard enough without that additional element.

  4. AM Says:

    I have not heard this; besides these arent the reasons to have children. I know the PT article quote is taken out of context – all of those things happen but not only because of children.
    The bottom line – its nobody’s buisness if and when you do have them.
    Have children because you want them (though my thoughts weren’t so clear when they were being conceived) and because you can; because at the end of the day – they are innumerable blessings to you and your marriage.

  5. K. Rock Says:

    Have kids if you want to. Don’t if you don’t. That’s the bottom line. There are upsides and downsides to BOTH scenarios. But ultimately it is left up to you and your mate. It seems like people over complicate things by looking into them too much. But I know that some people feel that way so let them. But every couple has different reasoning behind the choices they make and it’s about whatever works for them.

  6. Jameil Says:

    It’s pretty sickening how people who aren’t in your bedroom think a new marriage gives them license to enter it. HOLD UP!! Can I have some alone time w/my husband before we become parents?? Is that any of your business?? And it never stops. Once you have one, they’ll ask if you want more, how many more and think they can weigh in on that, too. Don’t decide you “only” want one!! Then it’ll be, “That child will be lonely/stunted/etc.” People are so ridiculous.

  7. KaEEuh Says:

    “anchor babies”…aww hell no, for all the reasons previously stated and then some. Who wants to be that child that was conceived just to be a ball and chain for their father?
    Anyhoo, its Lie #6 of the Top 7 about Marriage:

  8. Tazzee Says:

    My hubby had 4 and the youngest is 15. That’s the one that lives with us. I’m 40 and have no desire to have kids. I’ve heard that my hubby would want a ‘union baby’ and I think he did for a while. But then I would remind him on lazy Saturdays that we wouldn’t have that luxury. Now that we have a puppy, that’s enough.

    Most women around my age say it’s good we don’t kids.

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