The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

searching for community August 26, 2010

Filed under: Building a life,Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:16 am
Tags: , ,

So I’ve never been one to have tons and tons of friends.  I’ve got folks who’ve been in my life for years, but mostly from times when I was forced to be around strangers and interact…like college and right afterwards when I was too poor to live by myself.  Those strangers I was obligated to be around because they were my roommates are now some of my best friends, so you would think making that connection would make me step outside of my comfort zone more often in order to meet people.  But it doesn’t.

Why?  Because I’m an introvert.  I enjoy being by myself.  All of the things that I would consider “fun” can be done all by myself:  reading, writing, blogging, farting around on the internet, running, lifting weights, etc.  I was so excited to receive my Psychology Today in the mail yesterday (what?  you don’t subscribe?) and the main article is about introverts!  Yippee!!  Finally some validation that I’m not a crazy person because I’m internally rather than externally motivated…which, in fact, is what introvert and extrovert means.  I haven’t read the article yet, but I’m sure you’ll be hearing about it when I do.

I’ve thought about joining a book club, but my work hours are crazy…plus there are all of those strangers there.  I’ve thought about asking someone to workout with me, but I’m pretty particular about how and when I exercise…a potential OCD issue there.  I’m in a sorority, but they meet on Saturdays and I work every weekend from August through May…and they don’t meet in the summers.  *sigh*

I know that I need to get motivated and try to meet some ladies, but whenever I have that thought it’s always followed by a heavy sigh, lol!  It just sounds like so much work.  I did meet a lady at work who sounded pretty desperate for human interaction and I immediately thought, “score, surely she’ll be my friend!”  It’s still up in the air, but we had her over to the house about a month ago and she still hasn’t called me back.  I just don’t think she was that into me.

What advice do you have for me to get some girlfriends?

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24 Responses to “searching for community”

  1. Karen Says:

    I am an introvert pretending to be an extrovert. Sure, I’m a smart a a$$ and fun-ish when I blog, but it doesn’t always translate well into the real world when I try to meet new people. Granted me and my crew have 10-20 yrs in the game (and it’s only 4 people so heaven forbid they move or die). As far as new friends, I find that it’s easier when there is a common interest, e.g. I hang out with fellow bloggers from time to time or attend a fitness class and have coffee date afterwards. How do you get along with your work crew?

  2. AM Says:

    I have none…as I’m there with you. I’m really an introvert but I appear to be an extrovert (does that make sense?). Anyhow, I was thinking of starting a book club with a couple of ladies I know.

  3. courtnee Says:

    I’m also an introvert. But, I’m also a bit of a people pleaser and i hate for things to feel awkward so when I’m in a group I’m the joke a minute, keep the party going girl, which is exhausting(and explains why I only want to socialize periodically.

    I would love to make a few new girl friends but I have no idea how to do that. We have a couple next door. We call them “the awesomes” because they’re…kind of awesome. We’ve done things with them a few times but they have a really busy schedule so we haven’t become besties yet.

    ok..now I’m rambling…but yea…totally feel your pain!

  4. Frugalista Says:

    Sorry…another introvert. I never thought of myself that way. I call it being a homebody. It takes a lot of effort to make friends and once you have them to keep ’em too. I’m not a huge fan of numerous social obligations so it’s a good thing I don’t have too many. You could try meetup.com. My sister used that to meet some girlfriends.

  5. Good post, as I am going through the same thing..trying to meet new girlfriends. My husband is a very social person so usually invite his married co-workers over for dinner, BBQ, out to the beach, happy hour, etc..that way I get to meet the wife.

  6. Amy Says:

    Does your sorority have functions that aren’t on Saturdays? Maybe they have small group gatherings at happy hours, etc. during the week that you can drop in on.

  7. Gngrsnap Says:

    I am an introvert as well. I agree with the suggestion of Meetup.com I tried it a few years ago and have a couple of main groups that I do things with. It helped me, because I could go to events that I didnt want to attend alone. And if I was at a loss for things to say, I could always talk about whatever the common interest was that brought us there.

  8. Sarah Says:

    I think we introverts tend to hide out on the Internet. It’s safer to make friends this way than where people are actually sitting near you.

  9. Not an introvert, but endorse meetup very much. Had success meeting fellow sushi lovers on there.

    As far as the sorority, that’s going to be hard because we do mostly everything on weekends, but what I would suggest is finding a committee to join and go to the committee meeting which more than likely will be during the week. You will meet folks and also get your service in.

  10. If I had advice for you, I’d have advice for me. I’m also an introvert, but make no apologies for it. (Although non-introverts think I’m shy or crazy.) All being an introvert means is that you get your batteries charged by being alone.

    If you’re anything like me, you get exhausted after spending time with people. But I “score” friends by being associated with the husbands of the woman my wife is friends with. It’s by default I guess. Like Chris Rock says, women will put their husbands in a room together and say, ‘you both like baseball- talk!’

  11. K. Rock Says:

    I am not an introvert. I like socializing with new people in social settings. But I just dont get the chance to. I’m too busy with home stuff. But I am working on it. I will find a bestie! I will!

  12. Tazzee Says:

    Haven’t read all the comments but what about wives of some of your husbands friends? I guess that can be tricky if they get in an argument..,

    I can say this. One of the things my husband loved most was the fact that I had good friends, a life. He noted that a common theme in his friends’ relationships was the females depended on their hubs for entertainment. So he encourages girlfriend time.

    I hope you make some good friends, they are invaluable.

    • I think that’s the problem…I can entertain myself. As a matter of fact, I prefer my own company, lol! I work pretty crazy hours, so when I’m able to sit and chill, that’s what I like to do. That attitude isn’t really conducive to making friends.

  13. […] It’s always good to spend time with other married couples, and form a community as the Happy Nappy Bride blogged about a few weeks […]


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