I can’t wait to hear what you guys think of this statement! I don’t want to jade you toward my way of thinking, but I was shocked when I read this article on Simple Marriage titled, “The biggest marriage killer” (this is just an excerpt, you can click that link to read the whole thing):
“When you first met your spouse, ideally you were both living interesting and fulfilling lives. These lives were an important part of what made you attractive to each other. But often, as your relationship progresses with each other, you let go of what used to be important and fulfilling to you for the sake of the relationship.
When this happens it creates two problems.
- You are each no longer the person the other was originally attracted to.
- As each of you give up important things in your life, you often expect the other person to fill the void. This is a heavy burden to place on any one person. It creates neediness and dependency, as well as resentment and boredom.
One of the biggest killers of passion in marriage is all the meaningless time spouses spend together. And it is actually this type of tensionless coexistence that defines most marriages today.
You need to live an interesting, fulfilling life beyond your intimate relationship.
Marriage should be two mature people who take responsibility for getting their own needs met both with each other and from numerous other sources.
While I firmly believe you should keep all of your sexual energy within the marriage, I also believe you should keep doing all of the interesting things you were doing before you met your spouse (or enjoy doing without your spouse).
Great marriages are the result of two mature, grown up people – both of whom have full, satisfying lives – cooperating with each other to get their needs met. In this kind of differentiated relationship, each spouse compliments the other, but doesn’t complete them.”
I loved reading this, because I always felt badly for being an independent married lady…like that was somehow a paradox or something. I had my stuff when I met The Mister and I still have my stuff. Now don’t mistake this for me playing the hard role, I still get geeked like a little puppy when I hear his key in the door (my baby’s home! my baby’s home!), but we’re both good doing our stuff. Then we come home and we’re together and enjoy each others company. I wanted a husband and not a homegirl or roommate…can I get an amen?!