The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

Degree? M.R.S. please! December 14, 2010

Filed under: Conspiracy theories — Happy Nappy Bride @ 1:49 pm

I found this interesting article talking about young ladies who want to marry rich for a life of luxury.  You can click here to read the whole article, but here’s a few snippets:

“Yes — feminists look away now — most of the girls I talked to are intent on marrying a rich man.

This idea is buoyed by a culture of celebrity that sees attractive women marrying well and then enjoying ­luxurious lifestyles as a result. ­Because of this, matrimony is ­increasingly viewed as an alternative career choice for the ambitious younger generation.

‘I’m going to train as a pharmacist, work for a couple of years and then marry a rich man,’ Lilly announces in a matter-of-fact manner.

Her friend Amy also has it all mapped out: ‘I’m going to be a graphic designer — but when I have children, I’ll give up work. I’m going to marry someone with a really good job.’ Her friends nod in agreement.”

“Last year, Jill Berry, the then president of The Girls’ Schools Association, publicly said what many of us women in our late 30s and early 40s have come to realise.

She said that combining a high-powered career and motherhood and doing both well is impossible. It’s time we stopped feeding girls the fairy tale that they can do it all — and I agree.

But, more than that, I think most women — if given a truly free choice — would choose to stay at home and look after their children in their infancy.”

What do you think?



24 Responses to “Degree? M.R.S. please!”

  1. Frugalista Says:

    Hey….if there was even a tiny chance in hell that i could be a stay at home mom and have us not go broke i might actually consider having children. since that is not the case there is no way i will. I don’t want to work and be a mom. And marrying a rich guy is cool as long as that’s not why you married him. Just as marrying not rich is just as fine. It’s the man not the money that matters. If I could be rich…i’m all for it. but it’s not in the cards….i love my man anyways.

  2. Karen Says:

    Marriage has historically been about strategic alliances and wealth building. And, I suppose it’s true that you can fall for a rich man just as easily as you can fall for a poor one. BUT, let’s be clear, very wealthy people generally marry other very wealthy people. Like hoping you hit the lottery…hoping you marry rich should NOT be your primary financial strategy. Re: Jill Berry’s quote: Staying home with a kid was never on my agenda. But, I do agree that we need to re-examine the myth of the super-wife/mom/career woman.

    • TOTALLY agree! I went to school with uber-rich folks (we weren’t) and they couldn’t even think about getting with someone who wasn’t also uber-rich…gotta protect that cash!! I also agree about the super wife bit…there’s just no way. If you’re going to be a mom and work, then your hubs had better be on point with getting kiddos dressed, making ponytails, and making din din!

  3. Mrs. K Says:

    I guess I am one of those woman that given the chance to spend more time with my future children I would. I mean, who wouldn’t. I don’t particularly agree with marrying for money–at least that’s not something I would do but I do think that financial security is important to consider when finding a spouse.

    I am a career woman (I guess) that probably has the capability to make as much as my husband but I would rather work half time and spend more time with him and our future children than chase down money. I guess it depends on individual priorities. If that is what these women choose then so be it. Thanks for sharing this very interesting post.

    • I would totally alter my life for kiddos…I don’t know if I’d stop working completely. But the relentless drive to get higher and higher would have to stop so that I can be there for them. Don’t have ’em if you won’t take care of ’em.

  4. Shannon Says:

    Interesting article.

    I admit, when I was growing up, no one ever mentioned finances/financial stability/ability to be a good provider as qualities that I should look for in a partner. Yes, a husband needed to have a job and go to work, but as long as he did that, I need not be concerned about anything else.

    I got more women talking about the usual things about fidelity, strong faith, a good heart, etc… and while all of that is important, I watched as many of these adult women struggled under the burden of trying to do it all as wives and mothers — often even being the person in the home that made more money.

    So, around the time I got more serious about dating, I DID decide that I would be including a man’s financial status (or potential financial status if he was still in school or in an entry-level position in his field) would be among the standards that I would consider important. This didn’t mean that he had to be wealthy, nor did it mean that he had to show off fancy items like cars and clothing (most truly wealthy people don’t do that anyway), but I needed to see that he had a belief in having strong financial footing, skills that would transfer across multiple career fields and a willingness to be open to the idea that his wife might stay at home for a few years and raise children.

    So I honestly agree with the spirit of the article and can understand the women quoted… because as I grew older, I began to feel the same way.

    • I had a very good friend who put on her “list” that she wanted to marry a man from a higher socio-economic class than she was from. She’s a praying and believing woman of God. And you know what? She married an engineer whose dad is a neurosurgeon. ‘Nuff said.

  5. In all honesty I always wanted to marry a man that could afford me the option of staying at home and not working. I have always been career minded (I have a BS, MBA and working on my PhD), and up until I met my husband I thought I would always want to work even if I didn’t have to. Fortunately I married a man whom I love deeply and, whose salary has given me the option of not working. Me being a stay at home wife works for us. I’m able to go with him when he travels for business, I’m home when he gets off of work, and I can concentrate on my studies, keep the house clean, and cook a healthy dinner 🙂

    It’s a real interesting subject, and one that I feel strongly about. I remember when I was engaged and the subject came up on the Knot. I remember the strong negative comments from some of the women on the site. Some stated that they would be bored, and they couldn’t imagine relying on a man for money (I’m the CFO). All I can say is, I know the arrangement will not work for everyone, but don’t knock until you’ve tried it 🙂

    sorry to go on and on….

    • I love that comment Natasha and it goes to the heart of doing what works for you and your household. I hate feeling like I’ve got to apologize for liking the stereotypically “female” things: cooking, cleaning, wanting kiddos. If you can work it out…do it!

  6. am Says:

    I think most women — if given a truly free choice — would choose to stay at home and look after their children in their infancy.”
    I never wanted to be a SAHM. Having done it, I do think its good in phases or stages – but for me not long term. Its a nice luxury to have. But there is no one size fits all for this statement.
    The subjects in the article are dreaming – but I guess they’ll find out. One should marry for the right reasons – males and females.

  7. Tiffany Says:

    I can’t believe people think that being “superwoman” – wife, mother and professional – is impossible. Women do it EVERY SINGLE DAY. And it’s not easy (from what I hear.) Hubby and I don’t have kids yet, but I think I would get bored staying at home. On the other hand, I have friends who are just as busy as stay at home moms as they were in the working world.

    It is true that traditionally/historically, people married into families of similar economic levels. It was a survival tactic. But these days I think there’s plenty of examples of well-known people who prove that you can have millions of dollars – even billions – and still live in misery. Money does not equal happiness.

  8. Sarah Says:

    I have so much to say on this topic. (You’re shocked, I’m sure.) I would never marry for money. I also never thought I would be someone who would want to stay at home with my kids, and mostly I’m pretty happy being a working mom. But. There’s always a but.

    My kids are at after-school care until almost 6 every night. They still have to be up in time for school and work every morning, and kids need between 10-12 hours of sleep every night. All of this means that I only get about 2 – 2 1/2 hours of quality time with them on weekdays, and it is JAM PACKED with chores (dinner, homework, bath, cleaning room) with hardly any time for fun stuff. If I had the luxury to pick them up at the end of the school day, homework would be done and there would be plenty of time for extra curricular activities/hobbies and playing with friends. As it is, my kids really miss out on a lot by having a working mom.

    Would I give up being a working woman? Not entirely, but I would love to have a less demanding job with more hours flexibility so that I could be there for them in the afternoons.

    • I think that’s a nuance of the article…to have the comfort that you’d be able to work less or the support to work different hours. I’m sure my family and I did a lot of “family” things, but what I remember is just the stuff you’re talking about: getting homework done, eating dinner with each other, trying to fool my parents into thinking that my room was clean, my brother paying me to do his chores. All of it builds memories.

  9. naturalhue Says:

    One of my goals since my children have come into the world was to be at home for them. In this ideal world, I’d awaken early to meditate, cook breakfast, carpool to school, hit the gym, do laundry, put clothes up, prepare dinner, and work a business from the house. None of this dream included marrying a rich man, but more from the view of creating wealth with my husband. This is divine order. The family is the nucleus. With that being said, I think it’s ridiculous to not obtain a degree. As double minorities, we have money and programs directly geared to us available to make it pain free to get a degree. Why dishonour our ancestors who had limited or no ability to obtain an education? Time is coming whether or not we’re prepared. I’d never marry for money; it’s not something in my thought process.

    • Before I got married, I wouldn’t have said “never” in regards to marrying for money, but now that I am married…I can confidently say “never”, lol! But I agree with you, it’s got to start with the family.

  10. Adrienne Says:

    Wouldn’t mind marrying for money, but would rather marry a stable man of God. He doesn’t have to be rich, but he does have to have the wherewithal to be able to provide – and if that means he works and I stay at home – I’m all for it! The product of a working single mom, I would want nothing more than to spend more time with my children – every life has its sacrifice!

    Natasha makes an interesting point that her not having to work allows her to serve her husband so much more – a definite plus!

    Can’t wait to see what happens in my life post-marriage! Until then, forging ahead toward school.

  11. I have actually done the exact same thing my mom did. I am the primary earner. Based on my profession though (I have an MBA in finance) I have almost always outearned the guys I’ve dated.

    Sometimes it bothers me because I wished my husband earned more and it puts me in the spot of having to shoulder a heavier load income wise but I know my husband would go and dig ditches if I lost my job to support us.

    If we could afford it, I would like to stay home for a few years but after that I’d have to work, at least part time. I like to shop too much!

  12. alison Says:

    oohh…super interesting. I’ve heard it before that our generation has much more realistic expectations of what the “superwoman” looks like, so that was an interesting article. I still laugh a little when I hear that people have such lists of criteria for their future spouses though. I’d personally love to have at least one parent at home or with a flexible enough schedule to be close to home/available for the children. Luckily, my husband agrees…which is probably one reason why I married him!

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