The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

you, me…and the therapist? July 26, 2010

Filed under: Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 1:13 pm
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So I was looking over my Psychology Today and realized I’d forgotten to chat with you guys about this article.  It’s by a  lady who wrote a book called “How to Get Divorced by 30”, who talks about her new relationship.  She’d only been dating this dude for a while when she suggested that they go to therapy together.  She thought that he’d run at the prospect, but he was down for it and they started going to weekly sessions.

Turns out it was great for their relationship.  The therapist could cut the heart of any disagreement without it turning in to a knockdown dragout, he (obviously) wouldn’t pick sides, and they both trusted him.  Seems great, but then I thought, what about learning to navigate the relationship world together?  What if there are benefits to disagreements and not always seeing eye to eye?  What happens when the therapist is out of the picture?

I can’t imagine what I would’ve said if The Mister had suggested therapy for us after dating for two months.  So what do you think?  Yay or nay on therapy during the early dating months?

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married 1st! July 5, 2010

Filed under: Community,Holidays — Happy Nappy Bride @ 5:21 pm
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Today we had our first married get-together…yay!  The Mister’s fam and a few friends came over and had din din at our place. Here’s the tasty menu:

Nibbles:
veggies & dip
cherries
chips
chocolates

Main meal:
grilled chicken
bbq ribs
hamburgers
squash
mac & cheese
baked beans

Desserts:
strawberry shortcake
pistachio salad (provided by an aunt)
homemade vanilla ice cream (provided by the same aunt)

Here’s some pictures!  I didn’t get pics of the ribs, but they were for real…my father-in-law said that I should figure out how to get paid for them.  No pics of the shortcake either, but it was tres tasty.

 

I get by with a little help from my friends May 20, 2010

Filed under: Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 8:25 pm
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My friends have been pretty amazing with all of this wedding stuff.

  • When I posted up pics of the yard sign I wanted for our reception, one of my bridesmaids offered up she and her boyfriend’s services to create one for us.
  • When I said we were gonna do our own flowers, my maid of honor started meeting with a florist so that our flowers look superfly.
  • Another couple of work friends lent me a mess of buckets that we’ll put the flowers in once they’re delivered.  It went like this:  Hey can I use those buckets for my wedding? Which buckets?  The ones that are super full of stuff that would be very annoying to have to move. Sure!
  • I asked a coworker if she’d help me build a chuppah.  After looking it up to see what the heck I was talking about, we (by which I mean, she) spent an hour this morning mixing cement for the base.
  • I’d sent out an preliminary itinerary a few months ago and my sis-in-law was the one who had the nerve to tell me that said schedule was insane.
  • I gave my other bridesmaid the email addresses of my sorority sisters so that she can set up the singing of our Sweetheart Song…she didn’t bat an eye.  Just prayed that they know how to sing.  I don’t think they do.
  • I totally forgot to ask another coworker about a stand mixer that my mom’s gonna need to make her awesome cheesecakes, so I just texted earlier today.  No problem.
  • Not to mention the two ladies that I work with who offered themselves up to be our day of coordinators before I even knew what that meant or knew to ask.

What I’m finding out is that when people say they want to help…they really do.  It’s pretty overwhelming, I’m not going to lie.  These same folks are spending money on outfits, plane tickets, hotel rooms, car reservations, gifts, etc.  Yet they’re still on the “what can I do?” train.

If this is what weddings do to people, I want more of it!

 

frugal DIY bride? May 18, 2010

Filed under: Black weddings,Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 6:02 pm
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So it seems that if you’re an indie bride, a frugal bride, or just a want-to-be-your-own-person bride…then you’re super crafty.  You’ve gocco’d (whatever that is!) napkins, made your own reception food, spent your wedding morning baking wedding pies, created/designed/printed your own stationary…*sigh* I’m out of breath!

Well, I am an indie bride!  I most certainly am a frugal bride.  And I’m a want-to-be-my-own person person…not just bride!  But what I’m not?  Crafty.  It’s not that I don’t have the crafty artsy gene…it’s that I don’t have the corresponding desire, lol!  I felt like our wedding was a shot to support local  businesses who do all of that stuff a lot better and a lot more efficiently than I could have…except in this one case.

I (along with a super handy coworker) am building a chuppah for our ceremony.  What’s a chuppah?  A wedding canopy that has Jewish origins which represents the couple’s future home together, God’s protective covering, and a place where deceased ancestors are said to gather.  You can see pictures here.

Anyhoo, as soon as The Mister asked me to marry him, I realized that I wanted to have one of these and that it would be much cheaper if I made it myself…and we all know I love cheap, lol!  So here’s what we bought today at a supply store:

PVC that’ll be the base for the chuppah…4-8′ sections, 4-5′ sections:

Connectors for the PVC:

The spray paint for the PVC to make it look more like wood…PVC is so much cheaper than wood!:

You can see what that “stone” paint looks like on these planters.  They’re the super cheap plastic ones, but they look much snazzier with that paint on them!:

When we put everything together, I’ll put up a pic of the finished project.  What’s not pictured here is the three bags of cement that we’ll use for the base and my grandma’s afghan that’ll go on top.  I’m excited about this project because it’s something that I’ve wanted from get go…and because it connects my past (ancestors who’ve passed away) with my future as a Mrs.

Have you DIY’d?  How did it go?  Did you enlist help or did you try it all on your own?

 

something old April 20, 2010

Filed under: Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:24 am
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When my mom came over this weekend, she brought this ring along with her.  It belonged to my grandma and mom says she used to wear it all the time.  This is why our wedding is important to me.   Not because of my dress (which looked superfly when I tried it on this weekend…woot, woot!) or the decorations or the food or dancing.  But because my mom’s been holding on to my grandma’s ring since she passed away seven years ago so that I could wear it at my wedding.  How awesome is that?

 

dads April 9, 2010

Filed under: Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 7:07 am
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So the new Tiger Woods commercial is getting a lot of criticism these days.  Some folks say that he’s using his dead father to help him out of this jam he’s gotten into and all sorts of other stuff.

I see it a bit differently.  As someone who’s lost her dad and was very close to him, I get it.  When my dad passed away, it was like I lost my lighthouse in the darkness, my go-to person, a true friend.  It was one of those situations where I loved my dad fiercely and everyone knew it.  So when he passed away suddenly, not only was I tremendously sad…I was lost.

That’s why I get it that Tiger let Nike use his dad’s voice on that commercial…because he believes that on some level, his dad would have kept him from messing everything up like he has. And quite honestly, I’d give anything just to hear my dad’s voice again…even if it were just a recording.

I’ve missed my dad a lot lately because I know he would have had my back with all of this wedding stuff.  He was the ultimate “eff ’em” kinda dude.  Before I even had any good marriage prospects and was worried about never getting married, he was like, so what if you don’t…eff ’em if they’re making you feel badly about that.  When I would break up with some dude, he’d be all, obviously he’s not good enough…eff ’em.  So I know exactly what he’d say if he were around now and I’d complain to him about some of the nonsense I’m hearing regarding our wedding plans.

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but give Tiger a break.

 

gottas vs. wannas March 13, 2010

Filed under: Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 4:58 pm
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So these are coupons that I keep with me all the time just in case I go to a store and they’ve got the same thing on sale…then I can double up on the savings!  Yeah, I’m cheap.  Which is why all of this wedding spending is a bit disconcerting.

I’ve been pretty proud of how good I’ve been with our money that’s going to the wedding…but then I think about the fact that “good” is going to end up around $10k.  For one day.  That’s mind boggling.  I know that I’ve gotten good deals and worked that budget of ours, but still…it’s one day.  Sometimes I get a little too high on my horse and start thinking about how silly it would be to spend $30, $40, or $50 thousand dollars on a wedding…then I think about my “budget” wedding that’s gonna be around ten.  Not exactly a drop in the bucket.

And that’s the unifying thing of all brides.  Whether you can’t get enough of talking about tulle and ribbons and out of town bags or you want to get married in a park under a tree…we still believe in the power of the ceremony, the power of having our family and friends surround us and support us.  Because in all honesty we just need a groom, an officiant, and a marriage licence and we can be on our way for about a hundred bucks.  That’s the gotta have.

The wanna haves are different.  You wanna have a nice dress…you don’t have to have a slammin’, expensive dress.  You wanna have your friends and family there.  You wanna have everyone in your family act right for just one day…please, lol!

Then there are wanna haves that are different for each bride.  You wanna have bridesmaids, a photographer.  You wanna have good food and drink and a dj that’ll have everyone sweating at the end of the night.  Or maybe you wanna have cake or to get your makeup done professionally.  You wanna have a weekend festival of activities or a big rehearsal dinner.  Perhaps you wanna have aisle runners and uplighting and floor decals.  Some of you may wanna get married in a beautiful park or a gorgeous cathedral.

So we’re all in the same boat…all of us are planning the largest event that we’ve ever been in charge of and fighting “the others”, like on Lost.  “The Others” are those folks who just know how our weddings should be.  We should be stressed right now.  We should get our hair done a certain way, wear a certain dress.  We should decorate our ceremony venue like this and the bridesmaids should definitely do that.  “The Others” tell us with conviction that we should wear certain shoes, earrings, necklaces and look at us crazy when we tell them the one thing that really makes us happy about our wedding plans.  “The Others” have one more thing in common.  I don’t care whether you’re spending a grip or just a bit, “The Others” have big advice to give…but no loot.  All that talking but they aren’t trying to come up offa that money to put their “shoulds” into action!

So ladies let’s stand firm with our wannas and don’t let people make you feel badly about them!  What are your wannas?  Have folks questioned your decisions?  Have you wavered because of that questioning?