The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

bossy July 23, 2010

Filed under: Advice,Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 1:29 pm
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So, I’m bossy.  And nine times out of ten my personality works very well for me.  I get it done on my job, I’m organized at home, and can plan a meal for 10-15 folks lickity split.  Why?  ‘Cause I’m a boss.  (Thanks Kelis.)  I don’t want to be the boss of The Mister though.  We went to a dinner a while ago and saw a lady straight up treating her husband, who happened to be a grown *ss man, like a two-year old.  Telling him what to do, how to eat, talking over him if he deigned to have something to add to the conversation.  It was very uncomfortable, let me tell ya.  Homegirl actually yelled at him when he didn’t do what she asked.  Yelled at him.  In front of people.  O.  M.  G.

This book actually has a checklist in the first chapter to find out if you’re really strong-willed or not.  I was reading it while The Mister was doing something else and just started laughing.  Out of 40 markers, I checked 38 of them.  He looked at me like he wasn’t surprised when I told him that fun fact.  I’ll just pick out a random five for you to look at:

  • I like to be the person in charge.  (Clearly.)
  • I have strong opinions and convictions and like to share them.  (Ummm…have you read this blog?)
  • I can’t seem to back down in an argument even when I know I should. (Guilty as charged.)
  • I believe I shouldn’t have to repeat myself. (For real!)
  • I hate to ask for help. (With a passion.)

The writer, who’s a SWW (strong-willed wife) herself, has lots of good things to say about us bossy ladies and here’s one of my faves:  we are born leaders with firm convictions and are willing to go to  just about any length to make our dreams a reality.  We are dynamic, charismatic, confident, outspoken, and independent.  We are passionate about what we believe to be true and love an opportunity to share what we think with other. Holla!  That sounds good, right?  But in a marriage/family construct, if we SWW’s let our stuff get out of control, this could happen:

  • “Motivation” turns into just being “Pushy”
  • A “Problem Solver” turns into a “Busybody”
  • Our being “Opinionated” turns into being “Argumentative”
  • “Independence” could turn to “Overly Self-reliant”
  • “Determined” could change us to “Stubborn”

Ouch.  I’m all of those first things at work…and I’m killing it.  They love me there.  But work isn’t home and I’d doubt that any of us would want to live with a person who is pushy and argumentative and stubborn.  And we certainly don’t want to be that person.

This book is churchy and talks about how the Bible says marriage should look, so if that’s off-putting to you, don’t buy it.  But I’d strongly recommend you read it.  I hear a lot of bossy ladies say that they’re always exhausted because they feel like they’re doing everything themselves (which was on the checklist, by the way)…but you’ve got a hubby who’d love to help, so let him.  Anyhoo, this book doesn’t say that being a SWW is bad.  As a matter of fact, it says that it’s how God made us and why our hubbies fell in love with us…we just gotta watch it so we don’t go over to the dark side.

Any other bossy ladies out there?  How do you make it work in your home?  Do you feel yourself going to be dark side sometimes?  How do you get back?