The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

gottas vs. wannas March 13, 2010

Filed under: Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 4:58 pm
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So these are coupons that I keep with me all the time just in case I go to a store and they’ve got the same thing on sale…then I can double up on the savings!  Yeah, I’m cheap.  Which is why all of this wedding spending is a bit disconcerting.

I’ve been pretty proud of how good I’ve been with our money that’s going to the wedding…but then I think about the fact that “good” is going to end up around $10k.  For one day.  That’s mind boggling.  I know that I’ve gotten good deals and worked that budget of ours, but still…it’s one day.  Sometimes I get a little too high on my horse and start thinking about how silly it would be to spend $30, $40, or $50 thousand dollars on a wedding…then I think about my “budget” wedding that’s gonna be around ten.  Not exactly a drop in the bucket.

And that’s the unifying thing of all brides.  Whether you can’t get enough of talking about tulle and ribbons and out of town bags or you want to get married in a park under a tree…we still believe in the power of the ceremony, the power of having our family and friends surround us and support us.  Because in all honesty we just need a groom, an officiant, and a marriage licence and we can be on our way for about a hundred bucks.  That’s the gotta have.

The wanna haves are different.  You wanna have a nice dress…you don’t have to have a slammin’, expensive dress.  You wanna have your friends and family there.  You wanna have everyone in your family act right for just one day…please, lol!

Then there are wanna haves that are different for each bride.  You wanna have bridesmaids, a photographer.  You wanna have good food and drink and a dj that’ll have everyone sweating at the end of the night.  Or maybe you wanna have cake or to get your makeup done professionally.  You wanna have a weekend festival of activities or a big rehearsal dinner.  Perhaps you wanna have aisle runners and uplighting and floor decals.  Some of you may wanna get married in a beautiful park or a gorgeous cathedral.

So we’re all in the same boat…all of us are planning the largest event that we’ve ever been in charge of and fighting “the others”, like on Lost.  “The Others” are those folks who just know how our weddings should be.  We should be stressed right now.  We should get our hair done a certain way, wear a certain dress.  We should decorate our ceremony venue like this and the bridesmaids should definitely do that.  “The Others” tell us with conviction that we should wear certain shoes, earrings, necklaces and look at us crazy when we tell them the one thing that really makes us happy about our wedding plans.  “The Others” have one more thing in common.  I don’t care whether you’re spending a grip or just a bit, “The Others” have big advice to give…but no loot.  All that talking but they aren’t trying to come up offa that money to put their “shoulds” into action!

So ladies let’s stand firm with our wannas and don’t let people make you feel badly about them!  What are your wannas?  Have folks questioned your decisions?  Have you wavered because of that questioning?


money honey February 25, 2010

Filed under: Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 10:28 am
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I can’t be the only one tripping about how the finances are going to work after we’re married…right?  Have you and your hubby-to-be talked about it?  Here are a couple posts from married folks.  This one is called Your money, His money, OUR money…it’s got lots of comments about what people are doing.  This other post is talking about financial infidelity, or when one person spends the couples money without informing the other….like Scooby Doo says, “ruh roh!”

How do you plan to handle your finances?  And married ladies, how are you guys doing it?  And what would you do if y’all had a joint account and your hubby went spending all willy nilly without talking to you about it first?  And how am I gonna get used to having to talk to someone first before I spend money?  Yikes!


finding a good man February 21, 2010

Filed under: Marriage — Happy Nappy Bride @ 7:22 pm
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I read this interesting post over on Black & Married With Kids.  It’s talking about Black women, but I think this applies to all women.

My issue is that so many black women focus on the current and what’s on the surface. We always hear women say “I need a man with good credit”, “I need a man with a good job”. What about “I need a man with good character”? He can buy you the sun and moon but if he’s cheating and beating on you, all the degrees and money in the world aren’t going to compensate. Think about this: Michelle was the breadwinner of the Obama family for the first ten years of their marriage. Personally, if I have to be, I don’t mind being the breadwinner. It’s all going to the same household anyway. I once read a quote by Mrs. O in which she was asked for dating advice for women. She said, “Pay closer attention to what’s in his heart than what’s in his wallet.”

The post talks about lots of stuff, but I really liked this quotation.  Would you be willing to be the breadwinner of your home?  What if your hubby wants to be a stay-at-home dad?  More importantly, have you and your hubby-to-be talked about how finances will be handled?  Joint accounts? A combination of individual and joint accounts?  For those that are already married, how hard was merging both of your financial situations?