I’m it! September 4, 2010
searching for community August 26, 2010
So I’ve never been one to have tons and tons of friends. I’ve got folks who’ve been in my life for years, but mostly from times when I was forced to be around strangers and interact…like college and right afterwards when I was too poor to live by myself. Those strangers I was obligated to be around because they were my roommates are now some of my best friends, so you would think making that connection would make me step outside of my comfort zone more often in order to meet people. But it doesn’t.
Why? Because I’m an introvert. I enjoy being by myself. All of the things that I would consider “fun” can be done all by myself: reading, writing, blogging, farting around on the internet, running, lifting weights, etc. I was so excited to receive my Psychology Today in the mail yesterday (what? you don’t subscribe?) and the main article is about introverts! Yippee!! Finally some validation that I’m not a crazy person because I’m internally rather than externally motivated…which, in fact, is what introvert and extrovert means. I haven’t read the article yet, but I’m sure you’ll be hearing about it when I do.
I’ve thought about joining a book club, but my work hours are crazy…plus there are all of those strangers there. I’ve thought about asking someone to workout with me, but I’m pretty particular about how and when I exercise…a potential OCD issue there. I’m in a sorority, but they meet on Saturdays and I work every weekend from August through May…and they don’t meet in the summers. *sigh*
I know that I need to get motivated and try to meet some ladies, but whenever I have that thought it’s always followed by a heavy sigh, lol! It just sounds like so much work. I did meet a lady at work who sounded pretty desperate for human interaction and I immediately thought, “score, surely she’ll be my friend!” It’s still up in the air, but we had her over to the house about a month ago and she still hasn’t called me back. I just don’t think she was that into me.
What advice do you have for me to get some girlfriends?
wishes and things August 19, 2010
Things I don’t get
- Homeless people with dogs. I went to Walgreen’s the other day and there was a dude outside who was clearly homeless asking for money…and he had a dog sitting next to him with a little water dish and food on the ground. Seriously? So you can’t take care of yourself, but you can take care of a dog and you want me to give you my loot? Try again, partner.
- Moms with neck tattoos. Some friends of ours pointed out this trend to me and now I can’t stop seeing it! One second you see a cute little kid and the next you see them calling for Mommy and here comes ole girl with “Hot Tamale” printed in cursive on her neck. *shaking head*
- People wearing camouflage. Are you off to war? Are you huntin’? If your answer was no to both of those questions…I just don’t understand.
Things that I wish I could do
- Wear skinny jeans. I’m not a big person, but I sure look like one in those jeans! When I see them on other ladies, they’re so cute…on me, they’re fatty jeans.
- Dance like the people on So You Think You Can Dance. They’re amazing…I really love that show. They’re such well-trained and amazing and skilled dancers…awesome! Plus they have to take such risks week after week, it has to be hard and thrilling all at the same time.
- Not get tickled during a pedicure. I love getting my toes done and the massage and just having someone else dote on me. Until they get to that part where they scrub the bottom of my feet. Then I’m making faces and trying not to squirm…and I’m pretty sure the lady doing my feet laughs at me on top of everything.
Thing I’m happy I have
- Health. I know it sounds cheesy, but so many things can go sideways in this lifetime and I’m blessed to be basically healthy as a horse.
- Beer in the fridge. When I get home, I’m cracking on of those suckers open…I’ve been working like a field slave around here and it’s time to get a tasty beverage.
- Other marriage blogs. I don’t have a ton of married homies, so I’ve learned tons from other ladies online…y’all are the best!
Anything you want to add to any of the lists?
no more drama August 15, 2010
From my girl Michelle Obama in the latest Essence: “If you want a life free from drama, then you can’t hang out with people who thrive on drama.”
I’ve got a girlfriend who’s been married over a decade and she just recently had to clean house. Why? Because the single ladies she was hanging out with enjoyed drama too much. You know what I mean…booty calls, dating married men (ahem!), outside of “the club” shenanigans, breaking up and getting back together…all too much for a wife and mother to add to her plate. Quite honestly she just got sick of getting their phone calls, trying to give them intelligent advice, only to have them do the exact opposite…and dial her number again. It seems that some people truly like drama.
Just like the old cliche says: you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make her drink…so don’t spend your time trying to explain to that horse how to drink and why drinking that water would be really good for her. She doesn’t want to drink the water…she just wants to talk about drinking the water. Years ago, before I got married, I had a friend like this. Always complaining about being alone and why she was alone, yada, yada, yada. Our phone calls would always be about an hour and a half to two hours long…and I was always saying the same thing. But once a week, we had the same convo. First I tried diverting the conversation, but she had ninja convo skills that always brought the chat back to her favorite subject: her, lol! Then I tried ending the phone calls early, but she was hip to that trick. Finally I (embarrassingly enough) just ignored her calls.
Do you have any energy suckers in your life? Those ladies that when you see their name on your phone, you already know what the conversation will entail. How have you handled them? Did it work?
coupled up August 1, 2010
*The Mister’s not White, but I really liked this picture.*
The Mister and I went out with one of our favorite couples last night and just had a blast. They’re a newly married couple and were “pulling for us” while we were dating, so they’re just over the moon at our marriage…it’s cute. The Mister and the hubby from the other couple went to college together and me and the wife hit it off right away, so we’ve always had great times together, whether at a nice restaurant or just chilling at home. I appreciate their friendship because they’re honest with us, not always making marriage sound like it’ll be all daisies and birdies chirping. It’s nice to have folks who can keep it real, but not scare us off of marriage, lol!!
That got me to thinking about the people we choose to surround ourselves with as couples. I’m certainly not against having single friends, but I do think it’s a bit different…as does Tiffany in Houston. Go on over and check out her post called Rules of Engagement…too funny!
Do you have couple friends? What do y’all do? How often do you meet up?
good peeps July 21, 2010
I know I showed you all the sign one of my bridesmaids made for our reception, but I didn’t tell you the rest of the story. I think it’s important because it really characterizes how everyone was super helpful and awesome on the day of the wedding…and how that spirit of helpfulness really helped The Mister and I have a stress-free wedding day.
So when she showed me the finished sign while telling me the story of how the airline almost didn’t let her bring it on the plane because they thought it could be used as a weapon, I was already thinking, “this would look amazing in my flower bed out back.” As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure I actually voiced that thought.
She left early the day after the wedding and I was bummed because I thought the sign had been left at the reception site. After our breakfast with the folks from out of town, we got home and low and behold…there it was. In the flower bed. Pointed at our house just like I’d imagined out loud a couple of days before.
The same could be said for The Mister’s dudes…they were amazing. We were still chatting with folks after the ceremony when we saw them breaking down the chuppah and tossing it like we’d planned. And after the reception, while I was sweating and boogying on the dance floor, I saw the dudes were taking the gifts and extra booze back to our house out of the corner of my eye.
To me, that’s the wonderful part of weddings, the wonderful spirit of people who want to help. I’m so happy to think that we started our married life with help from those folks who love us and care about us. I mentioned to The Mister the other day that I wonder about the connection between how couples plan weddings and how they plan marriages and lives together. Neither one of us is arrogant enough to think that we can do this thing on an island…away from people who care for us.
So our wedding was a microcosm of the life we want to lead. A life where friends and family are there for us when we need them…not only because we asked, but because that’s what they wanted. With no coordinator, the wedding wouldn’t have gone as smoothly without us leaning heavily on friends and fam…and I have a feeling that we will be able to count on them for a long time.
the power of food July 20, 2010
At some point I wrote about creating a life with The Mister and actively thinking about the life we’d create together. I got some grief about wanting to be “traditional” in the sense that I’d do the cooking. Let’s get one thing straight. The Mister was single for a long time before me and he didn’t die of starvation, so he knows how to cook…sorta. But it’s not his forte. He’s good at tons of things, but this just isn’t one of them. It does happen to be an area that I excel in and happen to love doing.
I’ve always loved cooking. When I was in college, our fraternity brothers would come over and I’d pull some chicken out of the freezer and get to frying. And when I lived in Houston, I’d have holiday parties all the time where people were only required to bring themselves and a happy attitude.
For us, part of the life we’d like to create is having people over and entertaining. I’ve already said that I love to cook, so that’s a no-brainer. And The Mister is fantastic with people (and I’m just alright), so we’re the perfect party-having couple. People always seem to gather around food. To just sit and talk or tell funny stories or play games or just catch up. I love the feeling that food brings to people. Like many women before me, sharing my food and my home with you is my way of showing love. I want folks to be comfy and at home when they’re at our place.
And even when it’s just our little family, I want everyone to feel loved through our food. I try for most of what we eat to be organic because I believe it’s better for us…there’s nothing that’s just out of a box on our table. The act of eating together is pretty important to us in terms of creating a family. The Mister’s daughter will set the table and he’ll help me get everything on the table. One of us will say grace and we’ll chow down. And life goes a little slower and I like that…we listen to music instead of the television, we sit and chat rather than looking at our phones or laptops…we connect with each other.
Have you thought about the life you and your hubby would like to create? Why is it important to you?