The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

Savings March 24, 2011

Filed under: Building a life — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:33 pm

Now I know that I’m officially old.   Why?  I requested a rain check on a sale item at the store today.  How embarrassing!

When did you officially realize that you were an old lady?


Weddzilla post May 9, 2010

Filed under: Staying sane,Weddzilla — Happy Nappy Bride @ 6:53 pm
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I sometimes feel like I let folks down in my reactions to their wedding questions.  It’s like they want me to be excited with capital letters and I’m all lower case.  They want exclamation points at the end of every wedding related sentence and all I got is a period…or maybe an ellipsis.  I am excited about everything involved with the day…I just wanna make sure I’m more excited about the days after our wedding day.  Click here to read about it.


wedding crazy-part deux April 22, 2010

Filed under: Staying sane — Happy Nappy Bride @ 8:55 am
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Yesterday I wrote about fighting the financial wedding crazy that says that the “average” wedding costs $31,000.  But there’s the other side to the wedding crazy…us, lol!  Now we’re all trying to save money, be frugal, stay sane, keep things in perspective, yada, yada, yada.  But…you know you got a little kooky after your dude asked you to marry him.

Wedding crazy is a special kind of crazy.  It’s what happens to otherwise normal and well-adjusted ladies when we get engaged.  An abridged list of symptoms include insatiable desire to buy and read wedding magazines, an odd obsession with stationary and stamps, an ever-growing list of wedding blogs that are on your daily list, an annoying indecisiveness about nonsensical and unimportant things like tulle and napkins and ribbons, and an unnerving vanity about hair, makeup, shoes, and other whatnots.  The only cure as I can see it is the actual wedding, but starting a blog has helped me stave off the crazy.  I’ve got a guy friend who’s getting married this weekend and his fiancee has scared him with her wedding crazy…he looked visibly scared this week, lol!

I try to limit the wedding talk around The Mister because I don’t want him to freak out, but now that we’re about a month out I think it’s gonna be inevitable.   What are you doing to fight the wedding crazy?


wedding crazy April 21, 2010

Filed under: Saving money — Happy Nappy Bride @ 1:09 pm
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I’m in a group called Toastmasters, which is a leadership and speech-giving group.  It’s pretty cool and I enjoy putting my thoughts together and plus I talk for a living, so I can always use some help there.  Anyhoo, I’m giving a speech next week and it’s called, “How To I Do”, and it’s about how to get married frugally and sanely.  I wanted to post this section from my conclusion for those of you out there who’ve heard that you’ve got to spend $31,000 to have the “average” wedding.  The speech is only supposed to be five to seven minutes so I couldn’t get too in depth, but these were my top things:

The most important thing that you can do is figure out how to whittle your reception costs down as they generally make up almost half of your wedding costs.  The Mister and I did this by finding a reception venue that will let us bring in our own caterer and bartender.  Next on the cost cutting extravaganza was finding a wedding dress at a reasonable price. Whether you find a test dress like I did or find a used dress online, there are dresses out there that are gorgeous and couture, but won’t break the bank.  In terms of the smaller things like photography, favors, and flowers, finding someone who’s looking to build a client base and buying wholesale are a couple of ways that we’ve managed our bottom line.

Frugal ladies unite!  What are some ways that you’ve saved big money while planning your wedding?


it’s not a bad word April 13, 2010

Filed under: Staying sane — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:16 am
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I was in a meeting yesterday at work and the guy who was leading it asked who wanted to make calls to folks with good and bad news.  He looked around at everyone and I volunteered right away.  Then he was like, “I can make the calls to the folks who’ve got the bad news if you like.”  I looked at him like he was crazy and said (literally): I have no problem with “no”.  So everyone got all, “watch out for Dawn” and “I wouldn’t want to see Dawn in a back alley”, yada, yada, yada.

What’s wrong with “no”?  It’s not a bad word?

And I’m finding that I’ve become emboldened with the power of “no” when it comes to wedding planning.  For myself: no, I can’t buy a purse that costs $200 that will only be used at the reception.  No!  For the fam: no, cousin so and so can’t come to the wedding right now…we don’t have room.   No!  But maybe as more “no” RSVP’s come in, we’ll be able to make room for them.  See?  A positive “no”!

So ladies, there’s nothing wrong with “no”…it’s just another word.  But a powerful word that can help you set boundaries for yourself and others as you plan your wedding.   Have you had to use any “no’s” lately?


Things… April 7, 2010

Filed under: Staying sane — Happy Nappy Bride @ 5:45 pm
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…I’ve been told I can’t do lately:

  • my own hair (“this ain’t the country”)
  • my own makeup (“you need a professional”)
  • wear a short wedding dress (I am)
  • buy said dress all by myself (I did)
  • buy said dress all by myself on the first weekend after we  got engaged (oh yes I did!)
  • have fun invitations (I’ve gotten nothing but compliments)
  • have a local and organic reception (we are!)
  • serve good beer, wine, and liquor cheaply (we figured it out playa)
  • have an engagement ring that’s not a diamond (I do and I love it)
  • stay sane while planning a wedding (why not?)
  • stay sane and obsess all at the same time (again…I’ve figured it out playa, lol!)
  • keep from freaking The Mister out with my wedding crazy (so far, so good)
  • be happy with whatever folks want to do in terms of their hair, makeup, and accessories (they’re all grown folks, right?)
  • be in the moment (this one is hard, I’ll admit…but I try hard everyday)

What have you been told you can’t do in terms of your wedding planning?


so I’m getting married next month April 2, 2010

Filed under: Staying sane — Happy Nappy Bride @ 8:56 am
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Crazy right?  I think I’m supposed to feel all crazy and stressed and out of control (sidenote: I tried to find a pic of a woman  of color as the frazzled bride.  None of us should be surprised that I couldn’t find a brown or black person to fill the role)…like this:

But I actually feel pretty good.  Perhaps it’s because ignorance is bliss…I have no idea of any sort of impending disaster, so I guess it’s so far so good.  We got our invitations out and people are telling me that they got the invitation or asking me to guess what they got in the mail today…it’s pretty fun!  I’ve gotten lots of good feedback about the invites and if there are folks who don’t like them, they’re nice enough not to tell me.

We actually got our first RSVP yesterday!  Well, it was from The Mister’s mom, so we kinda figured she was coming, but still…pretty exciting.  Lots of folks are telling us that they’re booking flights and making hotel reservations.  Fun, fun, fun!

Though The Mister and I have been pretty practical about this whole wedding business, I can understand how ladies can get all kooky as the wedding date approaches.  I mean, folks are paying for flights and hotel rooms and gifts…you at least want to give them a good party.  I think what keeps us from going all bride/groom-zilla on folks is that we know that the wedding is a beginning and not an ending.  It’s gonna be a sweet party for sure, but it’s the start of our lives together…and we’re pretty fired up that our friends and family want to be there with us as we start our journey.

Perhaps in a month, I’ll be that lady pictured above, but for right now…it’s smooth sailing.


I’m in a bit of a pickle March 25, 2010

Filed under: Black weddings — Happy Nappy Bride @ 10:04 am
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I’m going home this weekend.  That’s a good thing!  I’ll get to see my mom and some folks who’ve been sick and in the hospital.  But I’ll also see folks, lots of folks, who aren’t invited to the wedding.

They’re all family, but they’re family that I see less than once a year…but they’re already sending out feelers that they want to come.  They can’t come, there’s no room.  People act like a wedding is a summer picnic or something…”oooo, I’m coming!  What do you want me to bring?”  Nothing…you’re not coming.

How do I handle this?  Can I cut off “the ask” by saying that too bad our venue is so small, but we sure do wish that we could invite them?  Or do I just ignore the subtle nudges?  What about the overt nudges…like when they give me their address so that I know where to send the invitation?


receiving line? March 23, 2010

Filed under: Details — Happy Nappy Bride @ 2:39 pm
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I don’t think we’re doing one.   I was talking to the lady who’s gonna be my DOC and told her that I was really worried about not talking to everyone at the reception and she said:  why don’t you come back in after you’ve said “I do” and thank everyone then? Genius!

The way it’ll work is, we’ll exit the chapel and our officiant will tell everyone to take a seat because the Mr. and Mrs. will be coming back soon.  The Mister and I will smooch and hug and be excited that we’re married.  Then we’ll come back into the chapel (great photo op, I’m hoping!) all cheesy and happy.  We’ll walk back up to the front of the chapel and then row by row, folks will exit…and as they exit, we’ll shake their hand/give them a hug/thank them for coming such a long way, etc.

It’ll be quick, but at least everyone will get some face time with us.  Then at the reception, we can have in depth convos with folks as we can, but we won’t be stressed out that we didn’t talk to cousin so and so or auntie whatchamacallit.  As I’ve said before, I’m shakin’ my tail at that reception…if you want to talk, join me on the dance floor!  We plan on being there for the cocktail hour (not taking pics), but I’ve heard of so many folks say that they tried and failed to talk to everyone at their reception.

How are you and your dude trying to chat with your family and friends who made the trip to your wedding?


from here to there March 18, 2010

Filed under: Details — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:23 pm
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I was sitting here chatting with The Mister and was saying how I thought we could just catch a ride to our reception and here’s the rest of the story as Paul Harvey would say:

The Mister:  I thought we were getting a car and driver.

Me: Well, I was thinking we could just hop in with someone…we’re all going to the same place anyway.

The Mister: But I thought we said we would get a car and driver.

Me:  Yeah, that’s what we said initially, but we could save money here and just set it up to catch a ride down to the mansion.

The Mister:  It’s just that I really wanted a car and driver.

Me:  Yeah?  So you want me to get a car and driver?

The Mister: *nodding*

So we’re getting a car and driver…he’s persistent, that guy!  I went on a job interview once and they sent a car and driver…I felt pretty baller, I’m not gonna lie.  We’ll get something like this hopefully:

What are you and your guy doing for the big day?  Are you going low-key and thumbing it to your reception with some family members or are you getting a limo?:

Or how about the ever popular party bus?  This one got ruled out for us because everyone’s married with kiddos…we’d need a school bus to take everyone!

This is what I wanted initially, until I realized that I’d have to offer up my first born for how much it’d cost…but you wouldn’t be able to tell me nothing if we rolled up in this vintage hotness:

So what are y’all doing?  How long are you keeping the car/bus/limo?  Will it just drop you off at the reception site and that’ll be that?