The Happy Nappy Bride

About weddings. About relationships. About the first year of being married.

I’m in a bit of a pickle March 25, 2010

Filed under: Black weddings — Happy Nappy Bride @ 10:04 am
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I’m going home this weekend.  That’s a good thing!  I’ll get to see my mom and some folks who’ve been sick and in the hospital.  But I’ll also see folks, lots of folks, who aren’t invited to the wedding.

They’re all family, but they’re family that I see less than once a year…but they’re already sending out feelers that they want to come.  They can’t come, there’s no room.  People act like a wedding is a summer picnic or something…”oooo, I’m coming!  What do you want me to bring?”  Nothing…you’re not coming.

How do I handle this?  Can I cut off “the ask” by saying that too bad our venue is so small, but we sure do wish that we could invite them?  Or do I just ignore the subtle nudges?  What about the overt nudges…like when they give me their address so that I know where to send the invitation?


receiving line? March 23, 2010

Filed under: Details — Happy Nappy Bride @ 2:39 pm
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I don’t think we’re doing one.   I was talking to the lady who’s gonna be my DOC and told her that I was really worried about not talking to everyone at the reception and she said:  why don’t you come back in after you’ve said “I do” and thank everyone then? Genius!

The way it’ll work is, we’ll exit the chapel and our officiant will tell everyone to take a seat because the Mr. and Mrs. will be coming back soon.  The Mister and I will smooch and hug and be excited that we’re married.  Then we’ll come back into the chapel (great photo op, I’m hoping!) all cheesy and happy.  We’ll walk back up to the front of the chapel and then row by row, folks will exit…and as they exit, we’ll shake their hand/give them a hug/thank them for coming such a long way, etc.

It’ll be quick, but at least everyone will get some face time with us.  Then at the reception, we can have in depth convos with folks as we can, but we won’t be stressed out that we didn’t talk to cousin so and so or auntie whatchamacallit.  As I’ve said before, I’m shakin’ my tail at that reception…if you want to talk, join me on the dance floor!  We plan on being there for the cocktail hour (not taking pics), but I’ve heard of so many folks say that they tried and failed to talk to everyone at their reception.

How are you and your dude trying to chat with your family and friends who made the trip to your wedding?


from here to there March 18, 2010

Filed under: Details — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:23 pm
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I was sitting here chatting with The Mister and was saying how I thought we could just catch a ride to our reception and here’s the rest of the story as Paul Harvey would say:

The Mister:  I thought we were getting a car and driver.

Me: Well, I was thinking we could just hop in with someone…we’re all going to the same place anyway.

The Mister: But I thought we said we would get a car and driver.

Me:  Yeah, that’s what we said initially, but we could save money here and just set it up to catch a ride down to the mansion.

The Mister:  It’s just that I really wanted a car and driver.

Me:  Yeah?  So you want me to get a car and driver?

The Mister: *nodding*

So we’re getting a car and driver…he’s persistent, that guy!  I went on a job interview once and they sent a car and driver…I felt pretty baller, I’m not gonna lie.  We’ll get something like this hopefully:

What are you and your guy doing for the big day?  Are you going low-key and thumbing it to your reception with some family members or are you getting a limo?:

Or how about the ever popular party bus?  This one got ruled out for us because everyone’s married with kiddos…we’d need a school bus to take everyone!

This is what I wanted initially, until I realized that I’d have to offer up my first born for how much it’d cost…but you wouldn’t be able to tell me nothing if we rolled up in this vintage hotness:

So what are y’all doing?  How long are you keeping the car/bus/limo?  Will it just drop you off at the reception site and that’ll be that?


gottas vs. wannas March 13, 2010

Filed under: Community — Happy Nappy Bride @ 4:58 pm
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So these are coupons that I keep with me all the time just in case I go to a store and they’ve got the same thing on sale…then I can double up on the savings!  Yeah, I’m cheap.  Which is why all of this wedding spending is a bit disconcerting.

I’ve been pretty proud of how good I’ve been with our money that’s going to the wedding…but then I think about the fact that “good” is going to end up around $10k.  For one day.  That’s mind boggling.  I know that I’ve gotten good deals and worked that budget of ours, but still…it’s one day.  Sometimes I get a little too high on my horse and start thinking about how silly it would be to spend $30, $40, or $50 thousand dollars on a wedding…then I think about my “budget” wedding that’s gonna be around ten.  Not exactly a drop in the bucket.

And that’s the unifying thing of all brides.  Whether you can’t get enough of talking about tulle and ribbons and out of town bags or you want to get married in a park under a tree…we still believe in the power of the ceremony, the power of having our family and friends surround us and support us.  Because in all honesty we just need a groom, an officiant, and a marriage licence and we can be on our way for about a hundred bucks.  That’s the gotta have.

The wanna haves are different.  You wanna have a nice dress…you don’t have to have a slammin’, expensive dress.  You wanna have your friends and family there.  You wanna have everyone in your family act right for just one day…please, lol!

Then there are wanna haves that are different for each bride.  You wanna have bridesmaids, a photographer.  You wanna have good food and drink and a dj that’ll have everyone sweating at the end of the night.  Or maybe you wanna have cake or to get your makeup done professionally.  You wanna have a weekend festival of activities or a big rehearsal dinner.  Perhaps you wanna have aisle runners and uplighting and floor decals.  Some of you may wanna get married in a beautiful park or a gorgeous cathedral.

So we’re all in the same boat…all of us are planning the largest event that we’ve ever been in charge of and fighting “the others”, like on Lost.  “The Others” are those folks who just know how our weddings should be.  We should be stressed right now.  We should get our hair done a certain way, wear a certain dress.  We should decorate our ceremony venue like this and the bridesmaids should definitely do that.  “The Others” tell us with conviction that we should wear certain shoes, earrings, necklaces and look at us crazy when we tell them the one thing that really makes us happy about our wedding plans.  “The Others” have one more thing in common.  I don’t care whether you’re spending a grip or just a bit, “The Others” have big advice to give…but no loot.  All that talking but they aren’t trying to come up offa that money to put their “shoulds” into action!

So ladies let’s stand firm with our wannas and don’t let people make you feel badly about them!  What are your wannas?  Have folks questioned your decisions?  Have you wavered because of that questioning?


weddzilla post March 11, 2010

Filed under: Staying sane — Happy Nappy Bride @ 12:52 pm
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Remember in the Sex and The City movie, how Mr. Big got nervous because there was too much wedding talk…but not enough marriage talk?  I wonder if all guys worry that they’re just a guy instead of the guy…like us ladies will marry the first dude (any dude!) that asks us to marry him.  I’ve been trying to let The Mister know how much I’m looking forward to our life together…not just the wedding, because I certainly don’t want him to think that he was a means to an end.  This post is about not wanting to be all wedding crazy.


way with words March 10, 2010

Filed under: Black weddings — Happy Nappy Bride @ 11:57 am
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Lately I’ve been saying “I don’t care” a lot in terms of our wedding and I wonder if folks are getting the wrong idea.  Of course I care about The Mister and I care that friends and family will make the trip to see us get married.  And I care that his dad is our officiant and I care that at the end of the wedding ceremony, I’ll be a Mrs. (!!!).

Unfortunately, I sometimes feel like the things that people think I should care about…I just don’t.  Wedding shower invitations that match our wedding invitations?  I mean, that’s fine, but I don’t really care one way or the other.  Groomsmen wearing the same suit?  Don’t think it’s necessary…The Mister sent a color swatch to everyone and they’ll get close.  I don’t care if it’s not an exact match.  I gave my bridesmaids the color for their dresses and said to keep them knee or tea length.  Not only do I not care what style of dress they choose…I don’t even know, lol!  It’ll be a nice wedding day surprise.  Our flower girl is getting her dress made and I’m sure it’s going to be gorgeous.  But no…I really don’t care to pick out the fabric or the design.

I think the issue is twofold. One is that I trust people to do what they said they’d do.  I asked the bridesmaids to get something and I believe that they will…simple as that.  I haven’t set up hair/skin/nail appointments for them…I trust that they’re not gonna come to the wedding all broke down.  The other is that I’m really trying to keep this thing in perspective. While I believe in the power of weddings and the ceremony of it, I understand that the day is but a gateway into a new life with this wonderful man…it’s a beginning, not an ending.

So if I seem a bit subdued when you ask me a question, understand that I am so excited to be getting married.  That I’m fired up about our invitations and flowers and caterer (open bar playas!) and dj and baker and photographer…everything will be on point, I promise!  I’m super excited to see some of my family that I haven’t seen in ages and to meet a lot of The Mister’s fam.  And I secretly hope that whoever it is that acts a fool at the reception (and someone will act a fool…see previously mentioned open bar) doesn’t come from my side of the family, lol!

As long as I end up married to The Mister at the end of the day on May 28th, I’ll be a happy camper.  And if anything else goes wrong…I just don’t care.


weddzilla post March 8, 2010

Filed under: Staying sane — Happy Nappy Bride @ 9:54 pm
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Is the only thing you want to remember from your wedding the super cool table numbers you made yourself?  Or your fly bouquet?  Perhaps your photographer will only take pictures of you and your hubby?  If you think that sounds crazy, then you’re on the way to knowing that the wedding industry is trying to trick you…don’t be fooled my friends.  I want a “real” real wedding, not a fancy pants blog “real” wedding and I wrote about it over here.